


Don't Waste Your Time On Me, You're Already The Voice Inside My Head

by AFangirlFantasy



Series: I Cannot Dream Tonight [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Angst, Comatose Harry, Dom Louis, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Major Character Injury, Multi, Older Harry, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Soulmates Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Strangers to Lovers, Sub Harry, Younger Louis, more like identifying bracelets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-06-04 11:42:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6656455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AFangirlFantasy/pseuds/AFangirlFantasy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At 16 years old, everyone takes a compatibility test on their birthday. At some point after taking the test, and along with other data collected, everyone finds out if they are a Dom or Sub. </p><p>At 17 years old, everyone receives a bracelet that notifies them when they have been matched. Every Dom needs a Sub. Every Sub needs a Dom. </p><p>When Louis' bracelet lights up weeks after getting it, let's just say that who he is matched with, is not quite what he had been expecting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to M_Emeline for helping me with this idea! You da best!
> 
> *Also, this story is not beta'd so I apologize for any grammatical mistakes!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy it! xoxox
> 
> Credit to all those who edited the photos I used!

_December 24 th_

Today is the day. Today is the day. Today is the motherfucking day. Louis William Tomlinson is officially seventeen, which means he is finally going to get his bracelet! _I can’t wait_ , he whispers eagerly to himself as he pulls on his favorite black Toms. He checks himself in his full-length mirror, giving his outfit a once over before making his way downstairs. For his birthday, his clothes are nothing special, just a pair of darker jeans and a maroon long sleeve top, but he is only going outside in the freezing cold for one reason today, and so who gives a shit how he looks? Well his father does, but that’s only one person.

 

“Louis, I see that you are dressed.”

 

His father dismissively looks over his clothes, and stands in front of him with a look that says’s he’s about to say something important so listen well.

 

“I hope you understand that receiving this bracelet isn’t just a token of what’s to come for you in the realm of relationships, but that it stands as a symbol of you becoming a man.”

 

“Dad.”

 

Louis rolls his eyes at the seriousness of his father’s words and tone.

 

“This is no joking matter. You’re a Dom. When you receive your partner, you will be in charge of all their actions. Everything you do to them, and everything they do to you, will define the kind of Dom you are. We are men of great value and respect in this city, Louis, every decision you make will reflect on this family as well. Do you understand?”

 

“Yes, I do.”

 

The words were truer than anything Louis has said before. Yes, he understood perfectly well that his father didn’t want him to do anything that could reflect poorly back on him. He has understood that his whole life, but even more so since he found out that he too was a Dom, just one year ago. At sixteen years old, all citizens at that age find out if they are a Dominant or Submissive partner. These results are based off of data collected from school tests, doctor exams, and a compatibility test taken their sixteenth birthday. The data collected is also not only used to decide between statuses, but for when a person will be matched. The purpose of matching is to provide every Dom with a Sub, and in many eyes, these pairing are seen more like business relationships than anything else. But some people, like Louis, sees it as being paired with the person that is best suited for you.

 

When Louis opened the letter in the mail, he was sure the records were wrong, because he’s never seen himself as a Dom. Especially in comparison to his father, who is such a dominant figure in not just the family, but the government as well. But to Louis’ dismay, the office informed him that there were no errors made in his given status. So like everyone else, after a person finds out which side of the spectrum they are on, they then enroll their last year of public schooling in a rigorous academy based on either Dom or Sub studies.  Once they have been trained in their roll as a Dominant or Submissive partner, they then receive their bracelet at seventeen.

 

When a person is provided the bracelet, it signifies more than that they are a legal adult in this society. It provides them with an identification number that tracks their every move, that is used to make payments, and that is needed to apply for jobs. It provides Dominants with a starting balance of $20,000 to begin supporting for their lives with a Sub. It provides proof of age of consent, whether for sex, drugs, or alcohol. And it provides information on when you are paired. The identification number is located on the back, but on the front of the bracelet, there is also a small light that can glow different colors.

 

 If the light is blue, that means that a person has been matched with a male, if it glows purple, that means that a person has been matched with a female. Sometimes, the light can glow red, which unfortunately means that there are complications with the person you are paired with. And extremely rarely, so rare that Louis doesn’t even know if it’s truth or a myth, the bracelet will glow green, meaning that the person you are matched with is also your soul mate. But he really really doubts that that’s possible.

 

“Aw, Lou, you look like a little man.”

 

“Lottie, I will end you.”

 

Louis’ younger sister, Lottie, giggles loudly and then walks off into the other room. On any other day, Louis would follow her to torment her further, but Louis’ mum is walking towards him now so he decides it best to wait till later.

 

“My, how handsome my seventeen-year-old looks!”

 

“Mum…”

 

She pulls him into a hug, and then straightens herself up again in front of his father. He’s never been one to enjoy affection.

 

“When you get back, we will have dinner to celebrate!”

 

She smiles warmly, and then turns her attention to her partner.

 

“May I ask a question, dear?”

 

“Yes, you may.”

 

“What would you like me to make you for dinner?”

 

“I won’t be here for dinner. After I take him, I will be heading to a meeting. Working for the mayor has some unpleasant side effects. You may make whatever you’d like for Louis tonight.”

 

“Yes, dear. Thank you, dear.”

 

 _I hope I never end up like this,_ Louis notes to himself. Because it’s true, Louis’ parents are not how typical Dom/Sub partners act. Louis’ father expects much more formality, and respect, and has always treated Louis’ mum as a Sub before a person. She turns back to Louis just as she finishes speaking to his dad.

 

“Right love, so I’ll be seeing you back in a little while.”

 

She gives Louis a hug, and then squeezes his shoulders before letting go. When his father puts on his jacket and grabs for the keys, Louis follows closely behind, taking in the passing scenes as he leaves the house for the last time… as a boy. When he returns back home later, he will be seen as an adult, as a man, by society. Sure, nothing will really change, but the way the bracelet will dangle heavily on his wrist will make everything seem different.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

“Name.”

 

“Louis Tomlinson.”

 

The woman behind the counter at the Office of Dominant and Submissive Affairs, otherwise known as ODSA, has smokers' cough and bad breath. Louis is trying hard to not breathe while he’s reciting to the woman the necessary information.

 

“Status.”

 

“Dominant.”

 

“Birthdate.”

 

“December 24th.”

 

She peers away from her screen and looks up at his face, smiling slightly.

 

“Happy Birthday.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

From behind the counter, a machine starts making noise, and she stands up from her chair to retrieve whatever has been made. While she has her back to him, Louis adjust his fringe, making sure it’s perfectly in place on his forehead. After his hands fall back against his sides, she turns around and smiles widely.

 

“Well Mr. Tomlinson, today is the beginning of the rest of your life. Can I have your wrist please?”

 

He reaches his left wrist out towards her, as she takes the bracelet and swirls it around him. Once it’s in place, she fixes the clasp so that it stays secure. Louis then pulls his hand back towards him and analyzes the shiny, cold metal.

 

“Now that you have been given your identification number, I am going to notify you of a couple laws so that you are fully aware of regulations and rules. First, it is illegal to walk outside of your home without your bracelet on. Second, your bracelet is not only an identification as to who you are, it is the code to everything you are and own. It provides access to your bank accounts, it provides you access to jobs and being paid from jobs. For that and other reasons, it is illegal to give out your identification number to anyone. Third, when your bracelet flashes, you must come back to the Office of Dominant and Submissive Affairs so that we can take the necessary steps from there. Fourth, if you haven’t already, please educate yourself on the different colors that may appear, and what they all stand for. Lastly, the bracelet is not a piece of jewelry, it is your lifeline. Treat it with care. If it is broken, you will have to pay $500 to replace it, and additional taxes and fees. Do you have any questions or concerns in regards to the bracelet and its functions?”

 

“When will I find out who I am paired with?”

 

“The average time is three years. Most people between the ages of seventeen and twenty will be matched. That does not mean that you will be, however. You could be fifty-five before you find a partner.”

 

“And why does that happen?”

 

“While some people are extremely compatible, and work well with anyone, some hardly work well with one. Not often, but few times we have had situations where it was a while before the right person had been found.”

 

“Does that mean that their match was not old enough yet?”

 

“In some cases, yes.”

 

“Wow. Okay, thank you so much. I don’t think I have any other questions.”

 

“Have a good night, Mr. Tomlinson.”

 

Waving, Louis smiles as he exits the door and walks out into the cold air. His father is waiting for him in the first parking spot, talking on the phone with someone, of course.

 

“Right…. right. Okay, I have to be off Jeff, my son is with me now. Yep, bye!”

 

Louis buckles himself into the seat, feeling the material of the bracelet like a cuff against his skin.

 

“So, you’ve become a man.”

 

“Yes, isn’t it magical?”

 

Louis slipped. _Shit. Shit. Shit._

 

“What have I told you about making jokes?”

 

The sigh that Louis releases is louder than he really should have allowed, but his father seems to let that slide for now, as he waits for Louis’ reply.

 

“It is not proper for a Dom to make jokes. That’s why a King always hired a town jester, because to make a joke is to be a joke, and a King was no joke.”

 

His father is pleased.

 

“And neither are Doms.”

 

It’s faint, but there’s a grin that slithers its way across his father’s face that Louis really would rather not see.  

 

“Just follow my advice and listen to me, and you’re going to do great.”

 

“Yes, sir.”


	2. Chapter 2

_February 7 th _

 

“Louis, you’re a fucking idiot.”

 

“Do you kiss your mum with that mouth?”

           

Greg was royally pissed. And truthfully, he had a right to be. Louis did just sort of break the USB drive that their project was on. And it was, of course, the only place they stored a copy of their work.

 

“You’re a bloody twat, we’re going to fail!”

 

“Have you always had that wrinkle when you scrunch your face like that?”

 

“LOUIS!”

 

Louis sighs dramatically, still not fazed by the events that are playing out. Greg is yelling at him, and they are at a coffee shop where others are watching, but Louis just doesn’t have the energy to care at this point.

 

“Look…I have a friend that’s good with tech. I’ll bring this over to her, and see what she can do. In the meantime, I would get yourself a drink. You seem like you could use it.”

 

“I knew being partners with you was going to be awful.”

 

To Greg’s credit, he’s right. Louis hates politics and is stuck majoring in it because of his father. He doesn’t blame anyone for not wanting to partner with him when he doesn’t even take the class seriously. So it doesn’t hurt that he says it, it just hurts that he has to continue with this idiotic field against his will.

           

The coffee shop door slams behind Louis as he enters out on the city streets, pulling out his phone to talk to the one friend he’s made since he started going to school in January. Not that’s he tried really hard to make them. And even if he did, he has no time to spend with anyone unless in between classes. Once school is over, his father has him home and studying, and nothing more.

 

“Hey!”

 

The voice answers the call before the first ring has finished, and Louis’ anger evaporates at the sound of her voice.

 

“Barb! I need your help.”

 

“What is it this time?”

 

Louis met Barbara in the cafeteria when he was desperately looking for a place to sit and she graciously waved him over as if they had been friends all along.

 

“I broke the USB port that is holding Greg and my project. Think you can fix it?”

 

“Most likely. Can you swing over quickly now?”

 

“Yeah, I’m on m-”

 

“Louis?”

 

“Oh fuck! Oh my…fuck!”

 

“Louis!?! What’s wrong?”

 

“IT’S BLINKING!”

 

“Your bracelet? That’s great!”

 

“No, shit, Barbara it’s red. It’s red! I have to go!”

 

Louis hangs up without waiting for her response, and catches the nearest cab to ODSA. Louis had been hoping for this day, praying for a light to shine (preferably a blue one), and here he is with fucking red. That means there are complications with his partner. _Damn, what could it be? Maybe he’s dead? Can you even be paired with a dead person? What if…what if they’re in jail?_ Thoughts invade Louis’ mind and the feeling of nausea takes him over, swirling in his stomach like he’s on a rollercoaster.

 

The same woman that was there when Louis got his bracelet, is at the desk today. He runs up to her, breathing heavily since he ran from outside. Before he can even form words, he’s shoving the piece of metal in front of her eyes.

 

“Mr. Tomlinson, correct?”

 

“Yes, I’m Louis Tomlinson.”

 

“Can you punch your identification code onto the screen over there?”

 

Louis uses his index finger to plug in the following numbers, 3246, as they read on the back of his bracelet. The woman does a couple more things with her computer, and then grabs a black folder within her hands.

 

“If you could follow me, we will be discussing matters within a private room.”

 

She stands up from her chair and walks around the counter and in front of Louis, heading down a hall that’s behind where they were moments ago. She waddles slowly to the second door on the right, before punching in a code and twisting the knob. When Louis gets a chance to look inside, there’s a simple wooden desk with two chairs facing one another.

 

“Why do I get a strange feeling this is an interrogation room?”

 

“Well, Mr. Tomlinson, you would be right. This room is typically used for such circumstances. But that is not why I brought you here, you are not a criminal, you’ve done nothing wrong, so don’t worry. Please, just take a seat.”

 

“You know, you can call me Louis.”

 

“Thank you. My Dom requires me to call all those by their last names, unless told otherwise.”

 

Louis takes the seats across from her, and watches as she opens the folder, reading information that Louis’ eyes can’t reach.

 

“I am going to have to read a couple sentences that are required to be mentioned to all those who have been notified with a red light.”

 

“Okay, that’s fine.”

 

Coughing, the woman clears her throat and licks her lips before reading.

 

“If you are one that has had the color red appear on their bracelet, do not fret. The color red is to indicate that there are complications with the person you are partnered with. When dealing with these situations, please be advised that procedure moves about differently. For one, depending on what the complication may be, a person may be allotted more time to confirm or deny their matching. Second, depending on the complication, a person may confirm or deny their pairing before even meeting with said partner. Last, there are specialists that are available to discuss these options further, and if are interested in contacting, ask at the front desk. If there are any other questions or concerns regarding the matters at hand, you may ask now.”

 

“Can you clarify what the typical procedure is?”

 

“Yes. So if your light had lit up blue, you would have come to the office, and we would have given the contact information and name of the person you’ve been paired with. After coming to the office, you would have 24 hours to contact your partner, and set up a first encounter date or meeting within a week’s time. At the end of the week, or 7 days from your light glowing, you would have to return back to the office and confirm or deny your pairing.  Both Doms and Subs can confirm or deny a pairing, and if one denies, both names get thrown back into the pooling again.”

 

“Okay. It seems the biggest difference then, is that based on my circumstances, I get more time to decide?”

 

“That, and you can confirm or deny prior to meeting your partner.”

 

“Why would someone do that, though?”

 

“Why don’t I tell you about the situation, and then we can go back to those questions at the end?”

 

“You’re right, I…I would like to know.”

 

The woman lays the folder out on the desk. She skims quickly over the information again, and then looks back up into Louis’ eyes. The expression on her face shows concern, and Louis fears all the words that could be said.

 

“The person that you have been paired with, was in an accident a month ago.”

 

Louis breathes out air he didn’t realize he was holding in. An accident a month ago is not bad at all. Surely the person is healed by now, albeit marked with a few new scars.  

 

“That’s not a problem for me.”

 

“Louis…”

 

“Yes?”

 

“The person was in an accident a month ago, but is still in the hospital.”

 

“Are they recovering? My nan was in physical therapy for a long time once. She-”

 

“Louis…”

 

“What?”

 

“The person you are paired with…they…they are in a coma.”

 

 _Coma? Coma?_ All the air that Louis had breathed back in, was sucked dry from his lungs again.

 

“I understand that this is hard to take in, but I need to know right now if you would like to deny your pairing?

 

 _Deny my pairing?_ Louis’ mind feels clouded over, and his ability to think seems slowed.

 

“Do you know how long they are projected to be in the coma?”

 

“No, and even if I did, it’s not information I’m allowed to tell you.”

           

“What if the person never comes out of the coma?”

 

“That could happen. Understand though, if you deny today your pairing will be terminated forever. However, if you decide to continue, you will be able to make your decision after meeting the person.”

 

“But how do I even meet them?”

 

“I’m just looking for a yes or no answer right now.”

 

“Do I want to deny my pairing _today_ …that’s what you’re asking me, correct?”

 

“Correct.”

 

“Then no. I…I guess I’d like to meet them first.”

 

“I think that’s the best choice.”

 

“So now what do I do?”

 

She pulls a half sheet of paper out of the folder and glides it across the table towards Louis. Once it’s within his fingers, she begins telling him out loud the information that it says.

 

“Your partner is male. Name, Harry Edward Styles. Age, nineteen years old. Below, phone number and address are provided.”

 

“I thought you said he was still in the hospital?”

 

“Yes, he is.”

 

“Well his address and cell are not going to help me get in contact with him, now are they?”

 

Even though the comment is annoyingly sassy, the woman smirks.

 

“I suppose not.”

 

She writes down an address to a hospital on another piece of paper, and hands it over as well.

 

“You have one week to make your decision, unless you contact me to ask for more.”

 

“Okay, thank you.”

 

“Louis…Good luck.”

 

Louis nods his head and then walks out of the room, and out of the office, still not sure how to process all of this information. _Harry Edward Styles, who are you?_

 

*                *                      *                      *

 

Despite initial concerns about being paired with someone who is in a coma, Louis did want to meet this ‘Harry’ person as soon as possible. However, he knew he needed to inform his family about it first, and make sure that his father was included in the decision-making process. This is the problem when everyone in the city knows who your father is, and so if Louis had gone to see him without his father knowing, someone who recognizes Louis and mention something to his Dad anyways, and then he’d end up stripped of all rights and privileges. So going home first is the only choice he has if he wants to see Harry soon.

 

“Love, don’t you have class right now?”

 

“Hi mum, is dad home?”

 

“No, why? What’s wrong?”

 

Louis always preferred just his mum around, she was much more affectionate and caring when she wasn’t under his father’s watch.

 

“My bracelet lit up today.”

 

“That’s wonderful!”

 

“Mum, it was red.”

 

 That fact alone hit her instantaneously, causing her to sit down at the kitchen table, eyes wide, and mouth open in shock.

 

“Did you go to ODSA? I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.”

 

“Yes, I did.”

 

“What did they say?”

 

“Mum, he’s in a coma. My partner is in a coma.”

 

As if the fact that Louis had the red light wasn’t surprising enough, the information just about took her over the edge. Louis had felt the same way too, but Louis’ mum feels nervous for other reasons, and none of them have to do with Louis or Harry.

 

“Does your father know?”

 

“No.”

 

She stands up again, and looks Louis directly into his eyes.

 

“You have to deny the pairing. Don’t even tell your father that this happened, and we’ll be fine.”

 

“Mum! I’m not going to do that!”

 

“Your father is going to take this as something to be disappointed about. He’s going to blame you for this. Or me…”

 

“Mum, neither one of us had control over it. And besides, I said I wanted to meet him.”

 

“You can’t!”

 

“I must! It’s only right!”

 

Before Louis’ mum had time to argue back, the front door to their house opened, and Louis’ father stepped inside. Louis’ mum ran over to him, to greet him, like she does every time he comes back from work.

 

“Welcome back, darling. How was work today?”

 

“Just fine, thank you. Louis…what are you doing home?”

 

His father looks at his watch to double check the time.

 

“I have something I need to talk to you about.”

 

“Jay, leave.”

 

She nods her head and gives Louis’ a look of anger, before departing into the other room. After she’s gone, Louis’ father takes a seat on the couch, and Louis follows suit.

 

“Dad, my bracelet lit up today, but it was red. So I went to ODSA, and they informed me that my partner is in a coma. But I want to meet him, before I make my decision.”

 

It was always better to lay out all the information whenever he conversed with his dad. He was always in a rush, and was always impatient, so the more time it took to get something out, the worse the outcome was. Louis learned at a young age that if he wanted something, he had to ask for it flat out and quickly.

 

“Red…Coma? Are you sure they paired you correctly?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Louis’ body was still as his father looked off into the distance, pondering over the information.

 

“How about this? You go to see him, and talk with the doctors. Get an idea of how long they expect this to last, and then we can make your decision. But, let’s not tell anyone else about this.”

 

“Okay.”

 

While this isn’t exactly the answer he wanted, it’s way better than he was expecting, so he knew better than to argue for something else.

 

“Do you need a ride?”

 

“No, that’s okay. I will take the tube. Thank you.”

 

With that, Louis quickly gathered up his jacket and cellphone, and walked out of the door.

 


	3. Chapter 3

The hospital was twenty-five minutes away, which Louis was thankful for because it meant that he was on the outskirts of his father’s control. He walked in through the sliding glass doors, and up to a male at the main counter. He informed him about the situation, and why he was looking for a Mr. Styles, and the man directed him towards the room number 3B. When Louis made it to the door, it was closed, but he could hear voices on the other side. Because there were others, he felt it best to knock instead of barge in, despite it being his typical fashion.

 

“Yes, can we help you?”

 

An older woman with long brown hair and an impeccable smile, opens the door. Looking at Louis curiously.

 

“Hi, yes. I uhm…so I uh, I have been paired with Harry Styles. I’m his match, my name’s Louis Tomlinson.”

 

 _Well Louis, that was about the dumbest way you could introduce yourself. Good lord._ Louis’ palms were warming up as his nerves were reaching an all-time high.

 

“Match?”

 

Another, much younger girl with blonde hair and brown eyes from within the room, talks out instead of the older woman. She comes over, looking at Louis with the same curiosity as the woman next to her.

 

“Yes. Just found out today.”

 

The older woman’s face finally appears surprised, as she responds this time.

 

“We didn’t even notice, come in, love!”

 

When Louis follows them inside, he watches as they walk over to the side of a body lying still in the bed, and watches as they glance at that body’s bracelet. But once Louis’ eyes had slid their way up, he was quickly transfixed by that body’s head. There are brown curls flowing wildly around the face that is undeniably attractive considering the number of scars that now newly reside upon it. In addition, the boy’s lips are a luscious shade of pink that Louis for a millisecond of a moment, wonders what they must feel like, and then there are eyes that are closed and make Louis want so desperately to know the color behind them.

 

“Wow, Gem, look at this! It is blue!”

 

“Oh my god Mum, how did we miss that?”

 

Louis’ attention is brought back to the women as they are still looking at the light. They giggle at one another and then walk back towards Louis.

 

“My name is Anne, I am Harry and Gemma’s, mum.”

 

Anne extends out her hand and a warm smile, and Louis can’t help but to instantly feel comfortable with her. There is more kindness and emotion in her single gesture than Louis has ever felt from either of his parents.

 

“And I’m Gemma, Harry’s older sister!”

 

Once Louis’ hands have been pulled back from shaking with Anne, Gemma lurches towards them and wraps Louis up in a hug. Like with Anne, the gesture feels welcoming, and it makes Louis wonder if Harry is the same way. Greeting people with hugs, and warmth, and genuineness. Louis finds it a little intoxicating.

 

“Gem, go fetch me a cuppa will you? Louis do you want her to get you anything?”

 

“No, that’s really kind of you, but I’m okay.”

 

Gemma nods her head and then heads out, closing the door carefully behind her. For the first minute after she leaves, the room is silent. Louis glances over at Harry, and Anne glances over at Louis, trying to observe the new foreigner in her home. Well technically hospital room, but Louis’ sure at this point that she spends more time here than anywhere else.

 

“I know it’s probably not the best first question to ask, but do you mind me asking what happened? The information they provided me was insanely minimal.”

 

“No, dear, of course not.”

 

Her eyes start to water a bit as she looks at her son, remembering the moments that led up to where they are now.

 

“It’s a mother’s worst nightmare to get a call that your son has been in an accident and is seriously injured. Based on what I was told, when Harry was riding his motorcycle, a car drove through a red light and hit directly into him. The doctors couldn’t believe how someone who had taken on so much impact, had survived, much less hadn’t had irreversible damage. They kept telling us that it was a miracle, that we were so lucky. Gemma and I obviously had been devastated by the incident, but we had hoped to have Harry back. They induced him into a coma for all his surgeries, they said he’d be fine. But then afterward, he never came out of it. So right now, we all are just playing the waiting game.”

 

“Do they have any idea how long it will take?”

 

“Nope. They said it’s whenever Harry’s ready, whether it’s tomorrow or five years from now, there’s nothing more they can do.”

 

“I can’t believe that.”

 

“It’s probably really tough for you right now, having just got your match to find out they’re hospitalized. But I want you to know that Harry is the sweetest person I have ever known, and I am not just saying that because I’m his mum. It’s completely your choice, and you have every right to deny and terminate the match, but if you stay, and if or when he wakes up, he will be the best partner for you. That I’m sure of.”

 

The words Anne spoke warmed Louis’ heart and had made him want to confirm his pairing right then and there, just because he already felt more with Harry’s family than he ever did with his own. But in the back of Louis’ mind, he knows there are going to be obstacles to climb over, he knows his family is not going to approve. While it may seem simple to Anne, to Louis’ mum or dad, it’s about everything other than the person you’re paired with.

 

Louis crosses his arms in front of his chest, and glances back at the boy that he finds himself being inexplicably drawn to, and then glances back at Anne, at Harry’s mum, that he already wishes was his own. Nothing’s felt so easy, so effortless before, and Louis could get completely lost in it.

 

“I just have one more question, and then I promise I will leave you alone. It’s just…what would you do, if you were me?”

 

Anne takes a step towards Louis, and it’s intimidating. Her eyes stare sternly at Louis, and her body invades his space, and suddenly he’s on guard. But then Louis looks closely, and the look he had quickly taken for defensive, is actually softer, and much more concerned.

 

“First off, Louis…you are welcome to stay as long as you like. Second, I don’t know what I would do. I think meeting the family is a good idea because it helps shines some light on the kind of person they will be, but it’s certainly not enough. But if it feels right, you’ll know. If I walked in and felt something, felt connected even in the slightest bit, I’d probably stick it out. But I’m not you, and you are not me, and you need to do what’s best for you. Many people don’t want to stick around for the unpredictable to happen, but there are some of us, some of us who still believe in the unbelievable, and we are the ones that put our faith in the unknown.”

 

“That sounds magical, really.”

 

“Some people would say it’s ignorance.”

 

Seconds linger in the air as they stand next to one another, and though Louis feels every inch of him wanting to stay and talk more, he knows his time is up.

 

“Thank you for being so open with me, and letting me in, and talking with me. But I’m afraid I do have to go. If I’m interested in finding you again, I presume I’d come here, right?”

 

“Yes, I’m here quiet nearly every day.”

 

She opens her arms wide, and Louis leans in to hug her, reeling off the warmth that flows onto Louis’ skin and seeps within his bones. When they pull apart, Louis says ‘thank you’ again as he grabs the door and walks out. If there was anything he could have predicted about what this first encounter would’ve been like, none of it would have been a close guess as to what actually happened. And despite being there for a relatively short time, he feels some part of him has changed, whether it’s seeing now with a slightly different perspective, understanding what it’s like to feel accepted, or just knowing the Styles family at all, he’s not sure. But the change is evident, and he’s never going to take it for granted.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

When Louis returns home a half hour later, taking his time slowly back from the hospital, his family is all waiting in the living room. If it had been any other family, he’s sure it wouldn’t be as nerve-wracking or rare to come home and see them all spending time with one another. But it _is_ his family, and he’s never seen them all together in a room unless they were at a party or event.

 

“Well, this is a bit odd.”

 

“Louis, how did it go?”

 

Louis’ mum responds first, and he can tell she’d jump out of her chair and run at him if it wasn’t for his father sitting next to her. But the expression on her face tells Louis enough, that she is certainly still furious with him.

 

“It went really well actually. I met his mum and his sister, and they were really nice.”

 

“What’s the last name again?”

 

Louis’ father calls out to Louis, as Louis walks into the living room and sits on the floor with his youngest siblings.

 

“Styles.”

 

“Never heard of them.”

 

“They don’t have to be wealthy to be nice.”

 

It’s a comment Louis knows better than to make. Well, apparently not.

 

“Jay, take the girls and go somewhere else.”

 

She quickly obliges, picking up the youngest ones while the older two follow closely behind her into the back playroom. Louis’ father stays sitting on the couch, while Louis stays on the floor, not sure if it’s even okay to breathe at this moment in time.

 

“You should be lucky that I gave you the privilege to even meet his family, and yet, here you are…giving me attitude? Hand over your cell phone immediately.”

 

Louis does so without complaint.

 

“In addition, I’ll be checking up on this ‘Styles’ family myself now. And I will be the one to decide for you on whether you should confirm or deny. You are clearly not mature enough to make life-changing decisions. If I could, I would be taking your bracelet away, as well. Be thankful that I can’t do that.”

 

Louis’ body is radiating with heat as the anger within him boils over. His father has no right, but he can’t do anything about it. He will make that decision anyway, and Louis may never see Anne or Gemma again. The best thing he can do is to comply with his father’s punishment, and hope that he lets up the more Louis behaves.

 

“Louis, I’m only going to say this once. He’s in a coma. Do you know how it would look to have you, a Dom, waiting on hand and foot for a Sub who is hospitalized? You need a Sub who is going to oblige to all your requests, and do what they need to do for you, and how can you know if this…Harry…. can do that when you can’t speak with him? So his family is nice, is that supposed to mean anything?”

 

“They said that he would be a loving, and supportive partner.”

 

“First off, they are not your partner, they are your Sub. Second, you don’t need love, you need respect.”

 

Louis bows his head and nods, this isn’t an argument he’s ever going to win, his father will never understand.

 

“May I go to my room now, sir?”

 

“Yes, Louis I think that would be best.”

 

When Louis makes it up the stairs, he finds his sister waiting quietly outside his door. He knows she’s heard it all, everyone has probably listened in on the conversation. But Lottie is more like Louis, she sees things and feels things in a way that Louis knows he can confide in her. As Louis opens his door, she follows behind him, and they don’t talk until it’s safely shut, and even at that they hardly speak above a whisper.

 

“Lottie, tell me I’m not crazy.”

 

“You are crazy. Louis, are you serious? You are challenging dad, and you’re arguing with mum! What is that going to do for you?”

 

“But I don’t want to deny it. I don’t know, I have a week to decide but I was happy there. His family made me feel so welcomed.”

 

“Louis, this is not about right or wrong, nice or not, this is about business. A pairing is a business relationship, it’s understanding that as a Dom, your Sub will do everything that you ask them to, willingly and respectfully. The boy’s in a coma, that’s not going to happen. And it makes you look weak, and therefore it makes the family look weak.”

 

“Since when have you ever thought like this? You used to hope you’d be in love with your match!”

 

“That was when I was young and naïve.”

 

“Lottie, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

 

“Fine. But if you’re going to ruin your image, don’t take the family’s down with you.”

 

Lottie closed the door quietly behind her, even though if she could she would have slammed it. Louis jumps into his bed without taking his clothes off, lying there and thinking until the sunlight starts to push out the darkness. How come it made so much sense when Anne was talking to him? How come it didn’t seem so hard to just say yes or no? Why couldn’t his family be like Harry’s…loving, caring, supportive?

 

*                *                      *                      *

 

It took a while before Louis finally pulled himself away from his sheets, and shuffled downstairs to eat breakfast. His mum and sisters were sitting at the table, nibbling on toast and jam. When he pulled a chair out to sit next to Fizzy, she wouldn’t even look at him. As Louis looked around the whole table, he realized that all his siblings were severely avoiding eye contact with him, looking anywhere but in his direction.

 

“Hello?”

 

He calls out to anyone at the table, but they all remain silent. _Great. Fucking excellent,_ Louis thinks. After another thirty seconds of sitting in the chair, he abruptly stands up and shoves the chair back towards the table in anger. He doesn’t even bother to brush his teeth before he grabs his jacket and heads out the door, just heading anywhere to get away from them. Once the cold air hits face, he makes it the few blocks over to where Barbara is working. The one person he knows is on his side about anything. The one person he knows, in this entire damn city, that will give him the reassurance he’s been looking for.  


	4. Chapter 4

_1 Week Later:_

The Office of Dominant and Submissive Affairs is bustling today with people going and coming. The amount of people walking around Louis makes him feel a bit claustrophobic, like everyone else is breathing his air. _You can do this. You can do this. You can do this._ Chanting to himself helps only enough to get him to pull open the doors and walk inside. Once he’s made it past the hardest part, he’s feet do the rest unconsciously, moving their way to the woman at the desk, who he should really know her name by now but doesn’t. When she looks up, she smiles and brings her attention all on him.

 

“Well, hello Louis. Nice to see you back. Are you here to discuss the future of your pairing?”

 

“Yes, but I would like to double check something first.”

 

She cocks her head in confusion but nods none-the-less. Louis takes a deep breath before he speaks.

 

“Is it illegal to confirm or deny someone else’s pairing?”

 

Her head jerks and then immediately, she’s talking sternly.

 

“Besides the fact that it’s impossible for that to happen, yes, yes it would be highly illegal to confirm or deny someone else’s pairing.”

 

“Can you please check that mine hasn’t already been made?”

 

“Louis…what are going on about?”

 

“Please, I need to know that my decision hasn’t already been made.”

 

She worriedly agrees, turning to her computer screen to check Louis’ pairing status.

 

“You are still undecided on here.”

 

 _I knew it._ Louis breathes out all the stress that has been building up in him for the past week, and keeping him from sleeping at night. But he knew, he knew somewhere in the back of his mind that his father wasn’t going to be able to do it. He’s sure that his father’s plan was to convince Louis that he would make his decision for him, so that Louis would never come to ODSA and make a choice. If a person doesn’t go to the office on the seventh day, or one week from the time their bracelet lights up, the match is automatically terminated and you are not allowed to be paired again. So it seems his father would be happier with Louis being without a match at all, than be matched with someone in a coma.

 

“God, okay, good! Yes, I want to make my decision!”

 

“Okay, let me grab my folder, and we will head back to the room we were in last time. You’re going to have some paperwork to fill out.”

 

As the woman comes around the desk and walks towards the door, Louis’ hands shake so profusely that he has to hide them in his pockets. Once she enters the code and they walk inside the room, they take the same chairs that they did last time. Also like last time, the woman pulls open a folder, and begins filling in some information before starting to read the forms aloud.

 

“Louis Tomlinson, you have come here today, February 14th, to confirm or deny the pairing you have been given. Please understand that whichever decision you make is final, and there is no chance of being paired with the same person again if terminated. If the pairing is confirmed, there are only a select few reasons that would allow you to end the pairing, for example, life-threatening situations. If you have any questions about the information provided to you, please ask now.”

 

She looks up from the form and Louis shakes his head no. No, for once he doesn’t have any questions at all. She then continues to read the rest of the form.

 

“In the form provided, you must answer every question fully. If any question is left blank, the form will be discarded, and you will be fined for noncompliance with the rules. In addition, at the bottom, you must sign the line to complete the contract. It will not be accepted if the name is written in print.”

 

Louis’ heart feels like it’s slowing, like it’s coming to a stop. He’s waiting for something to happen, his mum or father to walk in, to yell at him, to tell him he’s never allowed out of the house again. He’s waiting for the woman to tell him he’s ruining his family name. He’s waiting for the world to fall apart, for flames to erupt from the ground and engulf everyone… but the room is sound and Louis is safe, and maybe that’s all he needs to keep in mind to make it through this.

 

“Louis, are you ready to fill this out?”

 

“Yes, I am.”

 

“Okay, great! I am going to be heading back to the desk. Once the door is closed behind me, you may begin filling in the sheet. When it's complete, come back to the desk, and you will sign the bottom in front of me. Sound good?”

 

“Perfect.”

 

When she shuts the door, Louis takes ten inhales and exhales with his eyes shut, before he feels ready to start. Name: Louis Tomlinson. Age: 17. Date of Birth: December 24th. Identification #: 3246. Pairing’s Name: Harry Edward Styles. Age: 19. Date of Birth: February 1st. Check one box.

 

Confirm     

Deny

 

Louis had known all along, he knew before he even met Anne and Gemma, and kinda Harry, that this was always going to be the decision he’d make in the end. He knew himself, he knew that he was a believer, that he always wished on shooting stars, 11:11, and fallen eyelashes. He knew that he believed that things would turn out the way they were meant to, and that Harry had been his partner for a reason that Louis will some day come to realize. He knew long before he felt the warmth of Anne’s smile and the acceptance of Gemma’s hug, that he longed to find those things someday. He knew, that at some point in his life he wanted to know what it feels like to be loved, and that to him, it was never about being a Dom or Sub. And the boy in the bed with the crazy curls, and the satin lips, and the hidden eyes, could very well be his answer for all of that and more.

 

So yeah, Louis Tomlinson checked confirm with the biggest and boldest mark he could make, because he damn well wanted to be with fucking Harry Styles. And no one, not even his father, can do anything about it now.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Louis didn’t go home after signing the forms and handing them in. When he noticed two minutes later that the light on his bracelet went from red to blue, he knew exactly where he wanted to go. So he caught a cab and made his way over to the hospital, to see the only people that might actually be excited about this. And Barbara will be too, because she nearly punched Louis for even thinking of denying it, which reminds him, he needs to text her.

 

_Barbbssss….i did it!_

**_Yay! Now I’m the only one left unmated :(_ **

_U’ll get someone soon! Heading to hospital now, talk to u latrr xx_

Louis waltzed into the building, making his way confidently to room 3B, before knocking lightly and then opening the door. He didn’t wait for anyone to open it for him, and even though it was only his second time coming, he knew that it was okay to be less formal. Once inside, he saw Anne sitting in a chair next to Harry, reading.

 

“Oh, Louis! Nice to see you again! What brings you back here?”

 

“I thought you should be the first to know, well technically second, that I confirmed Harry today.”

 

Louis had been expecting a smile. Louis had been expecting a hug, maybe even two. What he did not expect was for Anne to literally begin sobbing uncontrollably. She let out a noise that was between a sob and a cough, and the tears were falling heavily from her eyes, and Louis was panicking because he wasn’t sure if this was a good or bad thing.

 

“Sorry! I’m…so…happy!”

 

Louis laughs as she forces the words out between her heavy breathing, and then goes over and hugs her because he feels it’s the best thing to do, and selfishly he’s missed being hugged. After a couple minutes entangled in her arms, she pulls away and grabs for a tissue.

 

“Louis, I didn’t mean to react like that, it’s just, I really didn’t think you would do it. But I was so, so hoping you would.”

 

“Yeah, I think I always knew I was going to confirm, especially the minute I walked in here. It’s just, I had people who were making me doubt it, but don’t worry… I don’t regret my decision.”

 

“You shouldn’t. Don’t ever regret anything you decide to do with your life! Those are your choices to make.”

 

He smiles fondly at her, and it only enforces how happy he is to be a part of this now.

 

“So now you’re officially family!”

 

Gemma walks in now and almost drops her cup of coffee when she sees Louis and hears her mum yelling out about him being family.

 

“You confirmed!”

 

Yeah!”

 

She places her cup down and runs over and hugs him too, and then they all sit down in the chairs within the room. Gemma starts speaking first.

 

“So now we have to educate you all on Harry, don’t we?”

 

Louis chuckles and flushes red a bit, because he has been wondering about it all.

 

“Yeah, that would be cool since I can’t get to know him otherwise.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“You know, cause he can’t talk since he’s in a coma…”

 

“He’s…he’s in a coma? Mum, you said...you said he was just sleeping!”

 

Suddenly Louis sweats as Gemma freaks out, and Louis can’t help thinking about this is even happening right now? But when he violently whips his head to look at Anne, he finds her trying to suppress a laugh. Turning back to Gemma, he realizes she's nearly ready to bursts out cackling.  

 

“God Lou, I should have videoed that! Loosen up, if you want to be a part of this family, you’re gonna have to learn to laugh!”

 

And if those weren’t the best words he’s heard his entire life, he’s not sure what are.

 

“I will get you back for that!”

 

“I gladly accept your challenge. But right now, mum, tell Louis about Harry.”

 

“Well,…he’s always been my special child.”

 

“Hey!”

 

“Gem, you know that! I don’t have a favorite, but Harry was just different. He was so gentle with everything he did in life; he cares immensely about all things, and he is just so…so free-spirited. One time, he cried for days because he had to throw out an empty bottle of shampoo. He felt that that bottle had feelings, and couldn’t imagine how lonely and rejected it felt to be sent to the trash. It was so cute. And then as he got older, it didn’t really change. He’s always been so gentle with people, always been so caring.”

 

“He sounds wonderful.”

 

“He is.”

 

Gemma gets up and gives Harry a hug while he lays on the bed, probably because thinking of him in past tense while he lays right in front of them, is extremely hard to do.

 

“What was he doing with himself before the accident happened?”

 

Anne continues to respond, but watches Gemma get adjusted sitting on the bed with Harry.

 

“He was in school, working on becoming a pediatrician. Always wanted to work with kids, and he’s always been so good with them.”

 

“Wow, that’s awesome.”

 

“Yeah, when he wasn’t in class, he was spending his time working in bakery, and then on the weekends, he and his band would have gigs at some of the bars around here.”

 

“He was a baker and a singer?”

 

Gemma and Anne laugh because it is a bit funny being put together like that.

 

“Yeah. What about you though, love? Tell us more about yourself.”

 

Gemma shakes her head in agreement.

 

“Well, I don’t know if you have ever heard of my father, Christian Tomlinson…”

 

This time Gemma replies.

 

“Oh yes! I knew your last name sounded familiar.”

 

“Yeah, so that’s my dad. I have a mum, and four younger sisters, the two youngest are twins. I just started schooling back in January, I’m majoring in politics even though quiet frankly, I hate it. But I didn’t have a choice. I don’t know, honestly, that’s really all there is to me. I haven’t done much with myself yet.”

 

Anne’s smile only falters for a quick second, before it’s back and she’s talking.

 

“Louis, you’re young. You have your whole life ahead of you still.”

 

“I know.”

 

Before the awkward tension settled in the room too long, Gemma changed the subject and had Anne telling a story about a time that Harry grabbed all the stuffed animals in the house and set them up for a huge tea party. Harry had made sure that everyone single one was in attendance, and that they all were served actual tea and cookies. But then he started to get upset because no one was touching their food or drinks, so while Harry wasn’t watching, Gemma and Anne had been chugging and forcing cookies down their throat so that Harry would remain happy. It’s a cute story, and Louis finds himself wondering how different the older version of Harry is now. If he’d be upset today, over his stuffed animals not eating his sweets.  

 

When the story is over, and Gemma, Anne, and Louis all begin to yawn, Gemma is the first to get up and say goodbye. After she leaves the room, Louis decides it’s his turn next. He needs to confront his family about his decision, and he needs to write a Will incase his father kills him before the end of the night.

 

“Anne, I better get going too.”

 

“Okay, sweetheart.”

 

“I can’t thank you enough for everything.”

 

“Oh honey, you’re family now. Family is always there for one another.”

 

And in the back of his mind, Louis really wishes that were true.

 

“Right, well I gotta get home to mine. My schedule is really packed, but I can definitely come back next Saturday for sure.”

 

“Okay, I might not be here, but that’s probably a good thing. I think it’ll be good for you to get your own time with Harry.”

 

They smile at one another, and then give a brief hug. When Louis walks out and gets on the tube, it takes all of him not to turn back around and stay with her for the night.

 

*                *                      *                      *

 

Louis walks in and tries to quietly take his shoes off and make it upstairs, when he hears someone clear their throat from the living room.

 

“Where have you been?”

 

“Out.”

 

“You know that I gave you back your cell phone, on the condition that you had to tell me your whereabouts at all times.”

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

“So…where were you?”

 

“I was at ODSA, and the hospital.”

 

The face his father makes is unreadable. He knows that he’s angry at him, but his face doesn’t convey any sort of emotion. It’s blank.

 

“Can you tell me what you were doing at those places. I have a pretty good guess, but I want you to be honest with me.”

 

“I confirmed my pairing with-”

 

“WHAT!”

 

It startled Louis more than he wanted it to. He’s never heard his father yell, even when he’s been mad, he’s always been composed.

 

“I confirmed-”

 

“And here I thought that you were just being NICE, that you had denied but went to go let them know personally! YOU FUCKING CONFIRMED? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!”

 

Louis’ body goes numb, he hears what his father says but he can’t react. He stands there, just taking it all in. His father then breathes heavily, and within seconds, he sees that he’s pulling himself together again. He’s talking calmer this time, but it’s more deadly than before. Before, the words were blowing up at Louis like grenades, but now the words have formed into a dagger, slowly pressing themselves into the center of his heart, making him endure the pain for much longer.

 

“You are a disgrace to this family. You have one month to find somewhere to live. You will have no access to any of the money I have provided or saved for you. You will have no contact with us during the remainder of your stay, and after you leave. You will be nothing to us. A ghost.”

 

Louis walks away before listening to anything else, or before he says something that gets him thrown out tonight. He needs to start packing, find a place to live, but he knows no one. Barbara is his only friend and as it is, she lives in a house with a ton of people. He can’t go to her.

 

But the thing is, is that Louis isn’t upset the most about being kicked out. He isn’t upset the most about not having contact with his family, or not having access to the money. What upsets him above all else, is that his father didn’t even give him a chance to say his side of things. Didn’t even hear him out, give him the opportunity to explain himself. There was no debate over it, Louis was no longer his son, and that was that. End of story.


	5. Chapter 5

_February 21 st_

This past week has been hell. Louis has hardly even seen his family even though he’s been in the same house, and when he does, they walk past him like he’s invisible. Even Lottie never looks up at him. Only one time did she even pass by him in the hallway, but she breathed out a few words in the air that Louis is still pretending he never heard. It’s been hard, and it hurts.

 

In addition to his family ignoring him, he’s also been packing and getting everything that he can, put under his name. His cellphone even, he changed so that he now has his own account, but thankfully was able to keep the same number. Louis also dropped out of all his classes, deciding he’ll go back to school in the Fall and major in something he’s actually interested in. However, this leaves him in a bind, because now he needs to find a job on top of everything else. Barbara has been super helpful with all this, sending in applications for him at any place she sees that’s hiring.

 

Today is one week since the last time he went to the hospital, and he has to say, he’s actually really excited to go. He’s been really wanting to this whole week, but he’s been so caught up in everything, so he’s happy to finally have a chance to do so. He also decides that on his way there, he can keep a lookout for jobs, so he brings his backpack with him, which has his resume, in case he wants to hand it in.

 

*                *                      *                      *

 

“Mr. Tomlinson, here to see Harry again?”

 

“Yes, nice to see you, Ted.”

 

Ted is the guy that works at the front desk in the hospital. It’s nice that he recognizes Louis as he walks inside the building.

 

“Good to see you too. Anne didn’t come in today, so you’re all by yourself.”

 

“Alright, thanks.”

 

When Louis gets to the room, he finds Ted was right. There is no one else inside but Harry, which makes Louis quite nervous. _What is there to talk about with someone who can’t talk?_ But Louis goes forward anyways, pulling a chair closer so that he is sitting next to Harry in bed.

 

“I…I don’t know if you can hear me or not. This, uhm, this is quite weird honestly. Feel a bit like I’m talking to myself. But I’m Louis, and I guess we’ve never been properly introduced, but I’m your partner, or Dom, or whatever.”

 

Louis shakes Harry’s hand, which initially is more to joke around than anything else, but when his skin feels the smooth warmth of Harry’s palm, it reminds him that while he is in a coma, he is also very much alive. Louis lets himself be swept up in feeling Harry’s hand, in looking down at the tiny lines and prints that mark his skin. It’s really alarming to Louis, how nice this feels, and seeing that Harry’s hands are bigger than his own, makes Louis’ stomach drop in an unsettling manner.

 

“I…I really can’t wait to meet you, and get to know all the things about you that no one can really tell me about. Like the way you sound, the way you laugh, what you even laugh at, what you love, what you hate. I want to get to know you, and I hope that wherever you are inside that mind of yours, you can hear me and know that I’m here, waiting patiently for you.”

 

It’s weird to say it aloud, but at the same time, it’s also liberating. Not that he wants this to be the situation, but here he can tell Harry whatever he wants, and not feel any judgment for saying or thinking it. There’s never been a person that Louis could that with, and while Harry is unable to do anything differently, it still feels nice to Louis. It’s still worth something.

 

Louis hadn’t been aware that he was holding onto Harry’s hand, until he realized he wanted to pull out his resume to read it over to Harry. When his hand let go, it was gravely cold, and Louis automatically missed the heat that had been there before. Wanting to get it back within Harry’s palm, he quickly pulled off his backpack and pulled out the folder the resume was in. However, when he grabbed the papers, a smaller item had fallen out and onto the floor. When Louis bent to pick it up, he turned it over to find that it is one of his childhood photos. He had just been taking them out of pictures frames and off his walls, so that he could bring them with him to wherever he moves. He didn’t realize one had managed its way into here. Looking at it, Louis gets an idea and suddenly drops his resume and backpack on the floor, and fills up with excitement as he leans forward more towards Harry.

 

 

“Okay, I was going to read to you my resume but change of plans, cause this is good! I know you can’t see this photo, but the story behind this is great! This was when I was six years old, and I had just started going to this camp. It was parents weekend, and my family came out to see me and the bunk I was living in, and to meet others’ families. I hadn’t really been having a good time while I was there, but I had made this one friend, Stan. He was funny, he had always had stupid jokes to tell me, and had a way to make me laugh when I felt like crying. So he and I were standing next to each other, while our families were trying to take pictures, and my father made a stupid comment that upset me. When Stan saw, he decided that the best way to cheer me up and have me smile for the photos, was to try and pick my nose with his thumb. This was the one good photo they got of me, but it cut out his face, but that moment is one of my favorites ever. I’ve never really had anyone like him do that for me since, try so hard at making me happy.”

 

After telling the story out loud a desire starts within Louis he wants to set ablaze. Instantly, the minute the story has been told and his lips are left dry, he knows this is what he wants to do. Every week he comes to visit now, he’s going to bring a picture, a moment. One purpose is surely because he wants to tell Harry the story behind them so that he’ll start to get to know Louis, but also, so that Louis can remember that there were actually good things that happened in his life. Retelling this story today was a good reminder for Louis, that there are people that are out there and support him, and just because they aren’t family doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter.

 

The picture is left on top of the side table, and Louis grabs his resume and backpack, and begins to stand up. Suddenly, he feels there are a million things he needs to do and get ready for before he comes back next time. As he’s standing there, looking down at Harry, he moves closer and takes his hand within his hand, kissing the top of his skin delicately.

 

“I don’t know how to say thank you or how to explain it, but it’s because of you I’ve just stumble upon something great.”

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

_February 28 th_

Leaving the hospital last week, Louis had been filled with ideas and hope, but returning back after a long week has left him irritable and tired. But…this time he brings a huge poster board and another picture. No one is inside the room again today, and he’s not sure if Anne or Gemma are trying to give him the time and space with Harry, or if there are other reasons, but he’s happy with it either way.

 

“Hi, Harry. Ugh, this week has been shit. I have a lot to tell you about.”

 

Louis pulls the chair up close to him, and doesn’t waste a second before he’s pulling the boy’s hand within his own, relishing in the warmth between their skin.

 

“I have been looking for an apartment because I’ve basically been kicked out of my house, and my whole family has shunned me, but let me tell you… there is not shit out there. I mean really, not one apartment within my price range that is available. I have two more weeks and then I’m out on the street, and I guess you could say I’m a bit nervous. And I still haven’t found a job, so I’m pretty sure that even if I find a place to live, I won’t be able to afford it after my money’s run out. But don’t worry! If there’s a will, there’s a way.”

 

He’s not sure if he’s saying that more for Harry, or for himself, but it only makes the stress built up in his neck, tense more.

 

“Okay, enough about that, I’m sure you’re wondering why there’s a poster with me today. Well, that Curly, is because I thought it would be cool if I could paste the pictures to the poster so that whenever you decide to come back, you can see all the stories I’ve told you about. I don’t know, it’s probably stupid, but I’ve already bought this shit so I’m doing it anyways.”

 

Within Louis’ backpack, he pulls out a glue stick, and the other photo he brought for this week. After he sets them out, he takes the poster, and glues the picture that is still on the table from last week. _Probably best to keep it all in order_ , he figures. Once the picture is properly glued and stuck onto the board, then he pulls out the picture and turns it around to show Harry, even though his eyes remain closed.

 

 

“So this is me with me granddad. He is by far my favorite person, and I really wish he was still here today so that you could’ve met him. That was my favorite day ever, he came and took me out, and I got to wear my brand new jean jacket and hat. Which, don’t judge, are not that cool now. But at the time I was so excited for it! And then he took me to the beach where we spent the day walking up and down the shore, and eating on the boardwalk. He told me back then, he said I could do anything I ever wanted, that I had it in me to be something more. He was the only person who believed in me, from my family. It’s sometimes funny to think about how my father is so different from him, even though he is his son. Unlike my dad, my granddad was so in love with my grandma, and he was also a Sub. My father, who I hope you never meet honestly, is quite the opposite. He’s just stuck on these ideals and I don’t know where they came from, but I will never think like him. Harry… I may be a Dom and you may be a Sub, and we may have been matched for that purpose, but you’re always going to be Harry to me before anything else, and I want you to know that.”

 

Just as Louis finishes saying that, he hears a small whimper behind him, and finds Anne crying in the corner. He never even heard her come in. His face burns red with embarrassment, but he’s not totally upset that she heard what he said.

 

“Oh, love, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I saw you in here so I walked in, but you didn’t hear me, so I just figured I’d let you get off your chest what you needed to say. I only heard the ending, but it was lovely.”

 

“It’s okay, just thought it’d be nice to start telling him some stuff about me.”

 

She pulls a chair so that she is next to Louis now.

 

“I’m sure he loved it. What’s with the poster board, I saw the picture on the table this week.”

 

“Oh that, yeah…I decided that every week I come in, I’ll bring a picture and tell him the story behind it, and then paste it on the board so that he can see all that I’ve shared.”

 

“That’s wonderful.”

 

Anne helps Louis glue the new picture next to the other one, and then they place the board back on the table so that it’s big and clear to see in the room. Louis grins at his idea coming to life, and then follows Anne lead in sitting down. As he adjusts himself, she makes a comment.

 

“I’m glad I caught you actually, because I wanted to get your phone number. That way I can contact you whenever, or if you need me for anything…or if anything happens.”

 

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

 

Louis pulls out his phone and hands it to her so that she can put the number in. When she gives it back, Louis sends a text so that his number now is on her phone too.

 

“Also…”

 

Anne continues talking.

 

“I don’t mean to pry, but love, you look exhausted. Is everything going okay?”

 

“Define okay…”

 

She smirks, but continues looking at him for the answer, Louis sighs and gives in.

 

“My family has disowned me for choosing to confirm my pairing with Harry, because he’s in a coma. ‘It doesn’t look good for a Dom to be waiting hand and foot on a Sub.’ So now, they’ve shunned me, taken away my money, and told me I had a month to find a new place to live. That was two weeks ago, and I still haven’t found anywhere. And all on top of that, I dropped out of school because one, I couldn’t afford it, and two, I hated what I was majoring in. So now I also need a job, and those are apparently just as sparse.”

 

“Your family has really done all that?”

 

“Unfortunately. Now I’m out of money, a home, and luck.”

 

Anne appears to be thinking very hard, because her eyebrows are scrunched together tightly, and she’s staring intensely at her shoe, which Louis thinks she’s probably not really focusing on.

 

“I’ve got it!”

 

“What?”

 

“You can come live with us! Gemma could help me make up the office as a bedroom again,

and-”

 

“That’s really nice of you, but I couldn’t impose.”

 

“Oh wait!! Oh my god! I completely forgot, Harry’s apartment!”

 

“He has an apartment?”

 

“Yes, and love, you should live there! You’ll probably be moving in together anyways, and since it’s not being used there’s no reason you can’t go there!”

 

“But isn’t that sort of…”

 

“What?”

 

“I don’t know, weird? To move into someone’s apartment that isn’t really okay with me being there, let alone knows I even exist.”

 

“Honey, don’t think about it too much. You need a place, and where else but Harry’s? And it’s paid off for a couple months, so just worry about saving up your money.”

 

“So you’re really okay with this?”

 

“Yes!”

 

It’s still weird to Louis, in fact, it’s pretty bizarre to be moving into Harry’s apartment, but it’s also his best and only choice. So really…where else is he going to go?

 

“Okay, awesome! Wow, thanks, thank you so much! That is such a huge weight off my shoulders!”

 

“Darling, of course! And you said you needed a job too, right?”

 

“Yeah, I’ll be starting school back up in Fall, so mostly just until then.”

 

“Well, I mean the bakery Harry was working at I’m sure would love to have you since they are shorthanded now and all.”

 

“Anne…I’m already moving into his apartment, I can’t possibly take his job away from him too.”

 

“You’re not taking it away from him. You’re just filling in until he comes back.”

 

As if the apartment wasn’t weird enough, having to take Harry’s job is even more strange. But once again, Louis is out of options. And he could always still apply to places while he works at the bakery, which will help bring money in rather than him sit and be poor.

 

“Anne this is all so much.”

 

“Just say yes.”

 

“Uhh…Yes!”

 

“Wahoo!!

 

She literally is cheering, her arms raised high up into the air. Louis thinks that one of these days she might actually give him a heart attack with all her generosity.

 

“When can I move in? And what should I do with the bakery?”

 

“I’ll take care of the ladies at the bakery, and I’ll call you when it’s all set. As for moving in, whenever you want. Just give me a ring when you’re all packed to go, and I’ll tell you the address and meet you there with the key.”

 

“I think you’ve just saved me from a terrible life.”

 

She’s giggling now, and it makes her tired eyes look a little more youthful.

 

“Oh darling, it’s all thanks to Harry, not me.”

 

And in the scheme of things, she’s right. While she may be the one offering all of these opportunities Louis hasn’t had before, it all comes down to the fact that it’s because of Harry. Because if Harry didn’t exist, he wouldn’t have met Anne and Gemma, and if Harry wasn’t his match, he wouldn’t have needed a place to live or be broke. But while those things may seem like cons on the list, they’re not at all in Louis’ mind. Within weeks of knowing Harry and his family, Louis has been thrown completely off course, and somehow, the path that he is finding himself on now is the only path he ever wants to be on again. He was never going to conform to his families wants, and he was never going to be a politician. If it wasn’t for Harry, Louis probably would have disappointed his parents later on in life, so really, it’s a blessing that it’s happening now.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Louis went home and began finishing up everything that was left to pack. Now that he has a place to live, there’s nothing keeping him here… but that thought, the thought that there’s nothing in this house for him anymore, sends Louis down on the floor in tears. He may not have been happy with his parents, but it never meant he didn’t love them. His mum used to be so much fun when their father wasn’t around, she would sing and dance with them, and make them all sweets they weren’t allowed to eat when he was home. And Lottie and Fizzy would play hide and seek, and tell him he was the best big brother, and they all promised to love each other forever. The tears are uncontrollable, and it’s the first time since all of this has happened that it’s really started to sink in.

 

In reality, Louis knows this is the best decision though, for him to have the chance to live the life he wants. No matter how many times he could have tried to be the person they wanted, he would have only let them down, time and time again. It’s what happened once he started to get older, his mum stopped dancing, his sisters stopped imaging about princes and castles. Eventually, Louis was left alone, still wanting to sing, still wanting to play, but there wasn’t anyone around anymore. They all were changing, and Louis was the only one being punished for still wanting to dream.


	6. Chapter 6

Everything was packed away into boxes, and bags, and suitcases by Monday morning. All his memories within his room were pulled apart and dusted off. He had managed to get everything inside the small truck he was renting to do the moving, but he came back inside to bid a proper farewell. Standing in the open room, not a trace of himself to be left, he leaves a note he’d written and walks out. He’s sure no one will find it, and if they happen to, it won’t change anything that’s happened, but Louis thought maybe they should finally hear his side of things. But knowing them, they probably don’t care to.

 

“Louis! You ready to go?”

 

Louis called Anne the minute he got back inside the truck.

 

“Yes! Just give me the address. You sure you can meet me there?”

 

“Of course, love! I’ll text you the address now! See you soon!”

 

He hangs up the phone, and just as she said, the text pops up on his phone. He clicks on the address, and his phone automatically starts showing him the route to get there and how long it will take. Twenty-three minutes and seventeen seconds to be exact. Once he’s pulled up to the building decorated in brick, he jumps out and finds Anne waiting on the steps for him, grinning widely.

 

“Gemma wanted to be here to help, but she couldn’t get off of work. But I will try my best!”

 

“It’s okay, all you have to do really is just keep the door open for me, I can move the stuff inside.”

 

“You sure? I can unpack some of the boxes, too?”

 

“Yeah, that’d be nice. Thank you again.”

 

All this time that Louis was preparing his stuff for the move to Harry’s, he hadn’t really prepared his mind. Only now, as he climbs up the stairs to the second floor, does he even realize that this is going to be a window into who Harry is. This is his home. Louis starts to worry, nervous for what he’s going to find on the other side of the door that Anne shoves the key into, but when she opens the door, the first thing that hits him is the smell. Wow. It’s absolutely heavenly.

 

She walks ahead of him and into the apartment with a bit of a shake that Louis tries not to think too much about. _This is probably the first time she’s been in his apartment since the accident,_ he realizes. Louis moves on ahead though, walking in and walking slow, taking in everything that suddenly takes over his view. The smell is even stronger once inside, and it so strong to Louis that he feels like he might as well be breathing Harry. The scent sends his mind into a fog, it’s filled with vanilla, and incense, and something else he can’t quite put his finger on but leaves him wanting for more.

 

The first thing that catches his eyes are the posters on the walls of bands that he’s never heard of, then the pictures of him, Anne, and Gemma that he reminds himself to look closer at when he has the chance. The apartment is rather big, which Louis is also glad about. When entering into the living room, towards the far right corner is the kitchen, to the far left is a door, and in the middle of those two is another door.

 

“His bedroom’s in the corner, and the bathroom is in-between.”

 

Right. Where was he going to sleep? The couch is probably the best option, he’s not sure how he could ever sleep in Harry’s bed, or in his sheets. That would just be the creepiest thing he could ever do. But he does have an interest in checking out the room anyway, since he wants to inspect the whole entire place.

 

“Thanks. Do you mind if I check it out?”

 

“Not at all. I’m just going to start unpacking these boxes.”

 

The bedroom is a decent size, mostly taken up by the bed itself. The sheets, Louis notices, are a dark purple, and they are left unmade even though the rest of the room is pretty clean. The ceiling is covered in a giant tapestry, and while Louis has always despised that kind of stuff, he doesn’t mind it in here. The right wall is mostly a closet, and Louis starts looking through the clothes, interested in his attire. As Louis gazes over, it’s hard to imagine the same Harry lying in the bed, going out and wearing black skinny jeans, but if that’s his style, Louis doesn’t mind it one bit.

 

“Anne, is it hard being back?”

 

Louis closes the bedroom door behind him as he enters back into the living room, watching as she looks sorrowfully around.

 

“Yeah, it is. But I’m really happy to know that you’ll be here. Because this place has always been filled with such happiness and love, and I hope it makes you feel the same way.”

 

“I hope so too.”

 

They both smile, and it’s the kind of smile that makes Louis feel like he’s already important to Anne, even though it still hasn’t been much time that they’ve known each other. But he doesn’t care, Anne and Gemma are already mean so much to Louis, he doesn’t know where he’d be without them, so of course, he hopes they feel the same way too.

 

“I’ll get the rest of the boxes. Shouldn’t be much longer.”

 

“Sounds good.”

 

He clambers down the stairs again and spends the next twenty minutes going up and down, bringing more stuff each time. Once he’s done, Anne gives him the key and says she’ll drop the truck off for him so he can finish getting settled in. While he’s happy for her to do so, he can’t help feeling a little down at her departure. He’s officially alone, and it really sucks.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

“Yeah, you have to come over Barb. This place is cool but lonely.”

 

Her laughter echo’s loudly through the phone.

 

“How about I come over tomorrow, yeah?”

 

“Yes! I’ll make you dinner, or we can do take out?”

 

“Sounds good to me. So, is it really weird being there? Is there like a weird vibe or anything?”

 

“No. This place…I don’t know how to say it but it’s comfortable. Like you walk in, and it already feels like home.”

 

“It just sucks that you can’t talk to Harry, or meet him proper, you know? Like you love his mum and sis, you’re already liking his place, he’s probably the best person in the entire world for you and you can’t even do anything about it.”

 

“God Barb, you’re making this sound so depressing.”

 

“It’s not depressing, just…it stinks right now. But it’s going to get better!”

 

“I hope so.”

 

“I know so.”

 

And if Barbara said so, then it was so. She seemed to be right about most other things in Louis’ life, why not believe she might be right about this?

 

*                *                      *                      *

 

 _It’s three in the morning. It’s three in the morning. It’s three in the fucking morning and there is someone loudly knocking on the door._ Louis sits up on the couch and sighs angrily, but the people knocking on the door have not given up. He slides off the cushions, and storms up to the door to give the person on the other side a real talking too, except once he’s opened the door, there are three insanely gorgeous guys looking awfully confused back at him.

 

“Uhm…can I help you?”

 

A dark-haired, tanned skin, guy with a smoldering look, is the one to respond first.

 

“You’re not Harry.”

 

“Wow, ace observation there, mate.”

 

His eyes squint in an offended way, and he looks like he might say something back, but the blonde haired guy standing next to him cuts in.

 

“Sorry, it’s just… this is Harry’s apartment. And I saw Harry’s mum here earlier, so we thought he was finally back.”

 

It doesn’t take much thinking to realize this must be Harry’s friends, and Louis wonders if they didn’t know about him being in the hospital. That thought makes him feel incredibly sympathetic, because Harry’s been there for over a month now. With this in mind, he decides to offer for them to come in.

 

“Uhm, I don’t know if this is the kind of conversation you want to have while standing in a hallway, or really standing at all. Do you want to come in?”

 

The three of them look a little concerned at that, and then the taller puppy dog looking guy in the back responds.

 

“Yeah, that’d be great.”

 

They all shuffle inside, finding a place to sit in the living room, Louis and puppy eyes on the couch, smolder on the chair, and blondie on the floor. Their eyes are all glued to Louis, and for the first time in his life, it’s hard to figure out what to say, much less where to start. So first, he starts by introducing himself, and then he begins by how he had his bracelet light go off, and how that led him to Harry, who has been in an accident, and since he was in a coma, Louis’ family didn’t accept his pairing, and that’s why he’s here, because he just moved in to his hospitalized partner’s apartment. Louis doesn’t know these guys, but he tells them every detail of what’s happened since the day his bracelet glowed, and there are more than a few tears shed in between.

 

“Wow. I…I can’t believe that. And…and Harry is in a coma. Fuck. Fuck!”

 

“Zayn…”

 

“Liam, don’t. I’m sorry for everything that’s happened, but I need to be alone right now.”

 

Smolder, or now known as Zayn, gives Louis a sorry face before bolting out of he door. Puppy eyes, aka Liam, follows closely behind. Now Louis is left with himself and blondie, whose been pretty silent the whole time.

 

“You can leave with them too, if you want to.”

 

“No, I… I don’t really know how I’m feeling right now, but I don’t feel like leaving you alone is going to make either one of us feel better. I’m Niall by the way, I’d say it’s nice to meet you but I don’t think nice is the right word for this.”

 

“No, it’s not. So you guys are all friends of Harry’s?”

 

Niall moves from the floor to the couch, and Louis doesn’t mind that Niall makes himself more comfortable by putting his feet up on the table.

 

“Yeah, Harry and I actually met when we started school, we shared a class together and had started hanging out. Around that time, Liam and Zayn had just moved into the apartment down the hall from me, and us four had ended up going out for drinks one night. It didn’t take long for all of us to become friends, and when the old man had put this apartment up for rent, we all thought it was fate. When Harry moved in, this was the place we would all hang out because it’s the biggest out of all of ours. We thought things were strange when Harry had stopped answering his calls or texts, or the fact that no one ever answered when we knocked on the door, but…but never in a million years did we think that was what happened.”

 

“That’s crazy that you haven’t known this whole time. You said you saw Harry’s mum earlier, didn’t she say anything to you?”

 

“To be honest, I’ve met her maybe three times. I recognized in this settling because she was coming from Harry’s apartment, but if I saw her on the street on a regular day, I wouldn’t know who she is. Harry went home more than they ever came here, and none of us have her number, there’s never been a reason too.”

 

“Yeah, that’s true. It just, it just makes you wonder though, if it wasn’t for me, when you would have ever found out?”

 

“I know. As it is, he’s been there what, two months? That really blows my mind.”

 

Niall looks around the room, it must feel eerie for him to be in Harry’s apartment and not have Harry around. Even though Louis’ never known him in this settling, it’s still weird to be in someone else’s home without them.

 

“You know, why don’t you come to the hospital with me? I go every Saturday, you and the other guys can come along if they want.”

 

“You sure?”

 

“Yes! He’s your friend, you definitely should!”

 

“Okay. That would honestly be really nice if we could. Here, let me give you my number. You’re going to be living here from now on you said, right? If you ever need someone or want to go out for a beer, I’m always around. Don’t be a stranger.”

 

Taking Louis’ phone, Niall puts his number and sends himself a text. Louis knows he’s about to leave, and he understands that he needs time to process all the information he’s been given, but once again, Louis will be left alone, and once again, he’d rather not be.

 

“Okay, thanks.”

 

“I’ll text you about Saturday when I talk to Liam and Zayn. See you around.”

 

Niall walks himself out, and shuts the door quietly behind himself while Louis stays on the couch. He wonders to himself what it must feel like, to find out one of your best friends has been in a coma for two months, and you didn’t know. Louis wonders what these past weeks must have felt like, thinking Harry was deliberately ignoring them. They must have tried so many times to reach out, but there was no one there. And they must have gotten mad, and fed up, and they must have felt like Harry was pulling away. And then they must have decided they were going to let it go, after so much time passing, they were going to move on and burry their grudges. And right when they decided that they were doing okay again, they find out that all their energy spent on anger and disappointment was wasted, because Harry was in an accident, not ignoring them. Louis imagines they feel a hell of a lot of guilt, but that the most prominent feeling must be hurt. Because here they are, finding out from a stranger, about the condition of their best friend.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Louis doesn’t know sleep anymore. It doesn’t call to him in the middle of the night and pull him into a dream. It doesn’t whisper lullabies that help him to close his eyes and rest. Sleep doesn’t come around for Louis, and he’s pretty sure it has everything to do with Harry.

 

Though Louis did not actually fall asleep, when he pulls himself off the couch he feels oddly rested. He goes into Harry’s kitchen to see if there’s anything edible, but it seems grocery shopping is something he’ll have to take care of today. After making himself a cup of coffee, even though he despises it and wants tea, he looks at his phone to find someone calling. Anne.

 

“Louis, love. How did your first night go?”

 

“Hi, Anne! It was weird. Did you know Harry’s friends Niall, Zayn, and Liam? The ones that live in the same building as him?”

 

“Yeah, I do. Why?”

 

“Well, they didn’t…uhm…they didn’t know about Harry.”

 

“What?”

 

Her voice is as surprised as he was last night.

 

“Yeah, they came knocking on the door in the middle of the night looking for him. Cause one of them saw you, and so they thought he was home. So I spent my night breaking the news to them.”

 

“Jeez, that’s awful. I didn’t even think about it, I…”

 

“You have nothing to be sorry for, you were dealing with your son. That’s what you needed to be doing.”

 

“It’s still very unfortunate.”

 

“Yeah, it is.”

 

They leave that topic alone as they continue their conversation with Anne wanting Louis to come over and have dinner with her and Gemma this week, talking about Harry, and talking about the bakery. Apparently the women are more than thrilled to have Louis join them if he wants, and he can start as soon as Monday. Louis tells Anne ‘thank you’ a million and a half times, and by the time they get off the phone, Barbara is knocking on the door.

 

“Morning, Lou. This building is a beaut, and wow, look at this space!”

 

Barbara always had a way of making herself at home, and Louis was always glad for it. She moves around in the living room with her long brown hair and big blue eyes, staring at the photos on the walls. As Louis quickly takes a shower and gets dressed, while she inspects all the items, however, he can’t seem to find where Anne placed his shirts, so he borrows one of Harry’s. It’s a black t-shirt with white hearts all over it, and Louis finds it’s just a little too big on him. When Louis steps out from the room, Barbara’s eyes scan over the article of clothing and she smirks mischievously.  

 

“Already borrowing clothes I see, nice.”

 

“Is it weird?”

 

“No. It’s not like he’s wearing them.”

 

“Barb!”

 

“What? He’s not! So where are we headed to today princess?”

 

“You’re a shit. But this place has no food, so to Tesco it is.”

 

“Buy me chips?”

 

“Only cause you’re my fav.”

 

“You’re too good to me.”

 

*                *                      *                      *

 

They spent three hours at Tesco, which really must be some sort of record somewhere. Especially considering the fact that they only bought about fifteen items. When they head back from the store, stopping at an ice cream place on the way, they get inside the flat and start to put away the food. Louis then plays music on his phone, just trying to liven up the ever oppressive atmosphere that follows him.

 

_Knock. Knock._

“Was that you?”

 

“Me? No, Lou. Is someone at the door?”

 

Shrugging his shoulders, Louis walks towards the door to check if in fact, someone was knocking there. When Louis opens up, to his surprise, he finds smolder on the other side.

 

“Uh, hi, Smol-Zayn.”

 

 _Jeez! I almost called him smolder to his face_! Zayn scrunches his eyebrows in question, but then brushes it off, and begins talking.

 

“Yeah, hi. I just wanted to come by because I think I owe you an apology. You laid a lot out to us last night, and I dismissed you and your feelings when I walked out. It’s just, I can’t even begin to explain what these past two months have been like, and then you come out of nowhere and you seem to know everything. And not only do you know everything, but you know the one fact that we seem to have been left out on. So it was a lot to take in. But I shouldn’t have left, you didn’t deserve that, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

 

“I hope you know that I completely understand where you’re coming from, and that I don’t expect or want you to apologize.”

 

“I’m still sorry.”

 

“I know. So am I.”

 

The two of them stare at each other, analyzing their expressions, feeling each other out. When a few more seconds pass, Louis half smiles, and the tension surrounding them evaporates.

 

“Oh, Zayn. Did Niall tell you about Saturday?”

 

“Yeah, Liam and I will be there.”

 

“Sorry if this is blunt, but are you two matched?”

 

Zayn’s grin widens at the thought of Liam, and Louis hopes that one day he has the same look about Harry.

 

“Yeah. I’m his Dom. I’m so lucky to have him.”

 

“That’s amazing.”

 

Almost as fast as the smile grew, it falters, and Louis isn’t sure if he’s said something wrong.

 

“You know, you probably don’t know it, but you’re lucky to have Harry too.”

 

It stings at first, because Louis wishes with everything that he could know that for himself. That he could be as happy as Zayn is, but that’s just not the way the cards played out for him.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“I’ll see you Saturday, then.”

 

“Right, see you then. Bye!”

 

When the door closes, Louis looks at Barbara who had been listening the whole time, and wonders if his face is saying the same thing that hers is, “so what do we do now?”

 


	7. Chapter 7

_March 6 th _

Thursday was an eventful day of Louis lounging around on the couch. Barbara said that she would try and come back over later today, since Louis kept complaining about how lonely he felt, but he doubts she’ll make it by. He wonders for a moment if Harry ever felt lonely in this apartment too. After showering, changing into a pair of sweats, and drinking some tea, Louis feels like there is nothing else left but to watch TV. As Louis is just about to flip through channels, there’s a knock on his door.

 

“Hello?”

 

The door swings open to Niall, Liam, and Zayn, and this time, they don’t wait to be let in. Niall plops right down on the couch, sprawling out to take up all the space, Zayn takes the chair, which Louis is wondering if that’s always his spot, and Liam sits on the floor in front of Zayn. As Louis shuts the door, Niall opens up a DVD case and calls out to Louis who heads to make another cup of tea.

 

“I hope you don’t mind, but we brought over Harry’s favorite movie, and thought you might want to sit and watch it with us too.”

 

“In other words, you guys know I have no life, and I am currently the one with the largest place, so why not see if I let you in?”

 

Liam replies this time after chuckling loudly.

 

“Wow, he’s catching on!”

 

Niall too joins in laughter as Louis sits down by his feet on the couch.

 

“So what movie is this? That you claim is Harry’s favorite.”

 

Zayn answers excitedly, well, excitedly for Zayn.

 

“Love Actually! And no, we are not lying. It really is his fav!”

 

“Okay, but before we start the movie, does anyone want popcorn or something? I’m still trying to figure this place out, and you all are obviously more than welcome to help yourselves, but I have to ask because what’s a movie without the snacks?”

 

Niall nods his head yes faster than Louis knew was physically possible.

 

“You’re going to feed me? I think I’m in love!”

 

Liam smacks Niall on the head from the floor.

 

“Don’t mind him, he is just slightly obsessed with food.”

 

Zayn looks at Louis and comments after Liam.

 

“Slightly is not a word I would use to describe Niall…ever.”

 

They both start laughing, and Louis chuckles too because it’s nice to feel apart of their friendship, even if its only in a small way. After they agree that popcorn works for all of them, Louis gets up and starts to put it in the microwave. When he brings it back, the DVD is already on the TV and just waiting to be played. Louis sits back down, and then Zayn moves over to sit on the other side of him, squeezing Louis between himself and Niall, and giving Liam the chair.

 

“I don’t know how much it will tell you, but I hope maybe you can get an idea on some parts of Harry by watching this movie.”

 

“Thanks, Zayn.”

 

“It’s no problem.”

 

Niall whispers over to them.

 

“Shut up you cunts, or I’m going home.”

 

Louis laughs and replies.

 

“Niall, such language.”

 

Liam presses play, and Louis lets himself get lost in the story. Or maybe he’s letting himself get lost in Harry. A person he is piece by piece, trying to puzzle together. A person he is day by day, still figuring out.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

_March 8 th_

The lads and Louis head to the hospital all together. Even though Louis has only spent two nights with them, or more like one and a half, they all talk and move together like they’ve been friends for years. Louis feels himself fitting in more than he anticipated, and it’s nice to let himself think they may be noticing it too. When Louis greets Ted at the desk, and walks the familiar path to the 3B, he can sense the others begin to tense. When they are outside the door, Louis decides to give them a pep talk before entering in.

 

“Look, I can’t imagine what this is going to be like for you once we walk in through this door, but I want to say that first off, it’s still Harry. And no matter what it looks like, he is still alive. Second, for all we know he can hear us, in fact, I’m quiet hoping he can, so let’s keep that in mind with what we say. Other than that, just don’t let it bother you, it’s not as bad as it seems. He’s really alright.”

 

They all nod their heads, and Louis stares at them for a few more seconds before turning back around and opening the door. When they walk in, he moves over to the side so that Niall, Liam, and Zayn can make their way to Harry first. When he watches them see Harry for the first time, it’s hard to keep his heart from breaking. Niall tears up, Liam stares in shock, and Zayn, Zayn is gone. He’s sobbing, he’s coughing. It’s only when Zayn turns in towards Liam’s chest for comfort, that Liam even moves at all, taking his arms and wrapping them firmly around Zayn.

 

Louis lets them have a few long moments, they need it, but then he finds that he can’t take the misery anymore. He understands this is probably surreal to them, but Louis wants them to remember that Harry isn’t gone, he’s in there somewhere, and he’s needs to be surrounded with happiness. So Louis walks over, sits in a chair opposite where the boys stand, take Harry’s hand within his, and begins talking to him.

 

“Hi, Harry. You probably can’t tell, but I’ve come this week with the lads. Niall, Liam, and Zayn are beyond excited to be here with you. They’ve missed you so much, as I’m sure you miss them.”

 

The boys stare dumbfounded at Louis, but he notices that the more they listen to him, the more they pull themselves together.

 

“This week was crazy, just like all the other ones. You might not remember, but last week when I was here, I told you and your mum how I was getting kicked out, and she offered me your apartment. Who knew that when I moved in, I’d be woken in the middle of the night to find three idiots looking for you. But they have been so helpful to me, and I can already see why they’re your best friends, Harry.”

 

Slowly, they begin smiling, and at some point, while Louis speaks they move chairs to sit down, which is a sign that they are feeling more comfortable. Now, Niall even interjects as Louis takes a breath.

 

“Yeah, Harry, you would have loved to see our faces. We were properly confused to find Louis instead of you at the door. Zayn even gave him some lip!”

 

“I did not give him lip! Louis was being sassy.”

 

“Well I was woken up at 3 in the morning, so I felt it well deserved.”

 

Liam giggles at them all, and when that happens, the air that had felt heavy had lightened immensely. And Louis wasn’t the only one who felt it too, all the boys suddenly seemed to brighten as they chuckled along with Liam.

 

“Louis, are those pictures of you?”

 

Liam points to the poster, and Louis feels a little embarrassed.

 

“Yeah, I’ve been bringing in photos from my childhood every time I come in and telling Harry the story behind them. Then I paste it up on the poster, so that when he comes too, he can see all the stories I’ve told him.”

 

“That’s really amazing.”

 

“Thanks, Liam. Actually, I brought another photo with me this week too. If you guys don’t mind listening, I could share it now?”

 

Niall yells out.

 

“Yes! I am always up for stories!”

 

“It’s nothing special, don’t get that excited.”

 

Louis reaches into his back pocket and pulls out the photo he decided to bring this week.

 

 

“This is me with my sisters, Lottie and Fizzy, when we went to this town carnival. Me mum was really excited that day because my dad had to be away on business, and so she was able to take us while he was gone. My father thought of festivals and carnivals as poor people entertainment, so he thought it would look bad if we were seen playing with the commoners, and back then my mum did a lot more things that my father said she shouldn’t when he wasn’t looking. It was one of my last favorite days of childhood, my sisters had still believed in silliness, and I still believed that I had a happy home. Lottie and Fizzy were too afraid to go on most of the bigger rides that I wanted to, so we spent all the tickets we were given on doing this one ride, over and over again. After the rides, we got to eat all this food, and then I threw up from eating too much, but I was still so happy. I thought nothing could bring me down. Then a week after this happened, my father was promoted to a position that allowed him to be home more often, and everything just sort of changed.”

 

It was silent for a while, Louis knows it’s never easy trying to figure out what to say to someone after they tell you an honest bit about themselves, but Louis didn’t want them to think of this story as upsetting. The moment captured in the photo of him with his two younger sisters, is an inexplicably happy one, and he’s never going to think of it as anything less than perfect.

 

“Louis, I’m really happy that you’ve been sharing these stories with Harry, and that you were open enough to share it with us too. You really still don’t know us very well, but I promise you, we are here for you, whenever you need.”

 

The words that escape from Zayn make Louis feel incredibly touched, and he hopes that Harry can hear as his friends and his partner start to bond together.

 

“That really means a lot to me. And I’m here for you all as well. Now, will one of you be so kind as to take this photo and glue it on the poster?”

 

“Li, can you-?”

 

“Of course. Here, let me get it.”

 

Liam takes the photo from Zayn’s hands and begins to use the glue stick Louis left behind on the table. Then Niall speaks up to everyone.

 

“Hey, we should all take a photo together and post it on the board! I mean, it’s your thing Louis, I don’t want to mess with it, but it might be nice for him to see we were all here together for him.”

 

“Honestly Niall, I love that idea. And no, you’re not messing up my board! But okay, who wants to take the photo?”

 

“Let me ask one of the nurses.”

 

Niall runs out of the room while Liam and Zayn adjust their hair and clothes. Louis considers doing the same, but he knows it’s not going to fix much so he decides not to bother too. When Niall comes back, a young girl about their age follows behind with Niall’s phone in hand.

 

“Okay, you want me to take a picture?”

 

Louis replies to her as the boys start to form around Harry’s bed.

 

“Yeah, that’d be great!”

 

“Okay! 1…2…3!”

 

She grins brightly as she takes two photos, and hands the phone back to Niall. He looks it over, and the smile that forms on his face is priceless.

 

“Can you print this here, like if I email it or something?”

 

“Yeah, come back with me to the desk.”

 

Niall follows back with her, and within another five minutes, he returns, holding a piece of paper in his hands.

 

“Here it is fellas!”

 

As Niall begins to stick the picture up on the poster board, Liam, Zayn and Louis crowd around to get their first look at it. Honestly, after looking past the morbid-ness of taking a photo in a hospital, the photo shows four boys, four very tired looking boys, seeming genuinely happy to be there. And in between the four boys, there’s a Harry, who actually appears to have a slight smirk on his face. Louis thinks he’s going to shit his pants the minute the pretty grin is within his sight, but maybe it’s a sign that he’s been needing all this time. Maybe it’s a sign that Harry really has been with them all along.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

**_I’m on my way motherfucker. Better be up, I’m hungry xx_ **

****

Louis wakes up on the couch to a text from Barbara. He forgot they made plans for brunch. He also forgot that after coming home from the hospital last night, the lads decided they all needed a drink, which somehow turned into a game of ‘how many shots can you take before you can’t feel your face?’ Apparently, Louis’ was five. Now he looks around the apartment to see Niall asleep on the kitchen table, Liam sprawled out in the middle of the floor, and Zayn coiled together on the chair. He decides to leave them be for a little while longer, while he goes to take a shower.

 

Either Louis took a long shower or Barbara drove here like a madwoman, but either way, when Louis gets out all the boys are up and Barbara is chatting with them all.

 

“There he is! You shit, you didn’t tell me you had company!”

 

“Sorry, but I see you’ve met everyone. Barbara and I are going to brunch, you guys want to come along?”

 

Niall stands up and shouts ‘yes’ quite unnecessarily, but it makes Barbara giggle, and Louis’ suddenly aware why Niall is flustered. _Good for him,_ he thinks, _in over his head, but still, good for him._

 

“Yeah, Li and I will come too.”

 

Zayn lets Liam help him pick him up from the couch, and then Liam comments afterward.

 

“Yeah, I could use a couple cups of coffee and some pancakes.”

 

“Well then it’s settled, off we go!”

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Brunch was spent with Liam and Zayn sharing an obscene amount of PDA, Louis ordering more than his body could eat, Niall fawning over Barbara and eating what everyone else couldn’t finish, and Barbara easing in more effortlessly than Louis could have imagined. Brunch was spent talking about stories about the lads and Harry, as Louis and Barbara listened eagerly to their mishaps and mistakes. Brunch was spent forming new friendships, and solidifying older ones. Brunch was spent with laughter, and happiness. And Louis almost forgot that the whole reason they are all together, is because of a boy in a bed, who won’t wake up.

 

*                      *                      *                      *         

 

Monday was Louis’ first day at the bakery, and he was so nervous that he showed up to “Sweet Endings” twenty minutes early. When he opened the door, there were three older women who greeted him like he was a celebrity, and it was just a bit overwhelming. But the day was easy, they showed him simple steps like where to locate ingredients, and where to find the recipes. Somehow, the six-hour shift had flown by, and before he knew it, it was time to leave. As Louis waved good-bye, he quickly understood why Harry enjoyed working here, the women were instantly loving, and the place felt peaceful and home-like.

 

After the bakery, Louis promised to take a cab out to Anne, and have dinner with her and Gemma. It’s been too long since he’s seen both of them, and he’s more than curious to see what their house looks like. To see what Harry thinks of when he hears the word ‘home.’ When he arrives, he’s immediately drawn to the cottage-like house a few paces ahead of him. _This is nice._ Before he evens has a chance to ring the bell, Gemma opens the door and pulls him in for hug, and yeah, Louis’ missed that.

 

“Come in, so glad to have you over! Here, I’ll show you around, mum is cooking still!”

 

Louis kicks off his shoes and follows her as she guides him throughout the house. He can just barely imagine a little Harry following a small Gemma around, playing together, and sharing secrets only brothers and sisters share. He would have love to have been around for it. She takes him through the living room, dining room, her bedroom, the office that used to be Harry’s bedroom, and Anne’s room, all before leading him back downstairs and into the kitchen with Anne.

 

“Hi, love!”

 

“Hi, Anne!”

 

Louis grabs a couple plates while Gemma grabs the food, and they all make their way to the kitchen table. Once they’re seated and ready, Anne finally starts the conversation.

 

“So how was the visit with the boys?”

 

“It was good. They took it hard at first, but then it got better, and we even all took a picture together.”

 

“Yeah, I saw that! Harry looked like he was smiling, I almost fell on the floor.”

 

Gemma cocks her head at Anne.

 

“Harry was smiling?”

 

Louis explains before Anne gets a chance.

 

“Yeah, in the photo we took, Harry looked like he was smiling.”

 

“Wow. I can’t wait to see it!”

 

“It’s great, Gem. Oh, Louis, today was your first day! I almost forgot! How was the bakery?”

 

Remembering back to earlier today, Louis thinks over everything fondly, making the dough, baking the cupcakes, placing out the cookies. It then leads him to imagine Harry instead of himself, behind those counters making sweets, with his brown curls untamed, smile stretching across his face. But then Louis shakes his head to bring himself back to the conversation at hand.  

 

“It was honestly really fun. I can see now why Harry works there.”

 

“I’m glad. He only ever had good things to say about that place.”

 

The rest of dinner consisted of them talking about work, planning the next time they’ll all see each other, and of course, Harry. It’s a funny sensation really, that always seems to creep up on Louis somewhere in between the conversations. The feeling that Harry is sitting with them at the table, or laughing with the lads at brunch, or sleeping in his bed at night. His presence is always around, it follows Louis endlessly, but it still isn’t enough. It isn’t enough to replace the ghost of a voice that hangs eerily in the air, everyone waiting for it to say something, but everyone knowing it isn’t really there.


	8. Chapter 8

_March 14 th _

For once in Louis’ life, everything goes by in blur, and he’s so busy he doesn’t get swept up in the feelings that linger in the back of his mind. The rest of the week was spent training more at “Sweet Endings,” having his bum pinched a couple times by all the ladies behind the counter, getting more food for the apartment, having dinner and a movie night with the lads and Barb, and meeting up Gemma and Anne in between everything else. Without even realizing it, Saturday had come and Louis almost forgot.

 

Quickly showering and changing into sweats and a t-shirt, Louis makes his way over the couple blocks to the hospital. It is nice how close it is from Harry’s apartment, as opposed to his family’s home. It makes it easier for travelling, and Louis really wanted to do better about coming a second day, but this week was just so hectic. When Louis finally makes it to 3B, there’s a nurse inside checking on some of his tubes, and monitors. Louis recognizes her as the one who took their picture last week.

 

“Hello.”

 

“Oh, hi…Mr. Tomlinson, right? Just doing my daily check up, I’ll be out of here in a few.”

 

“No problem. Does…does everything look okay?”

 

“Oh yes! Harry is actually in really good health, despite the current situation.”

 

“So what does that mean? If he wakes up, he could go right home?”

 

She pulls her eyes away from looking at her clipboard, and stares directly into Louis’.

 

“Unfortunately, as with most patients who are bedridden, they will need physical therapy to regain the muscle in their body they’ve lost. Harry most likely won’t be able to walk very well, but it takes about a couple months for all that to start coming back.”

 

“Do you think he will?”

 

“Will what?”

 

“Wake up.”

 

It’s a look he’s gotten from Anne a few times, where she looks at him worriedly and unsure of how to answer the question. Whether they should be honest with their opinions, or say what they think will make Louis feel better.

 

“I’ve never seen someone take so long to come out of an induced coma, however, that doesn’t mean he will be like this forever. I’m sure he’s trying, wherever he is inside himself, he’s definitely trying to come out of it.”

 

“You don’t have to say that to make me feel better, you know.”

 

“I’m not. I’m saying it because I’m hoping for that too.”

 

She nods her head and smiles, and then pats Louis on the back as she passes by him on her way out. When the door closes, Louis allows one tear to fall, and then takes a deep breath and walks toward Harry. As per usual, he gets his chair and slides up close, pulling Harry’s hand as always, within his own. This is his favorite part about the visits, he notes, getting to feel Harry.

 

“Harry, love, I hope you can hear me today. It’s just me this time…I don’t know if this makes sense, but I’ve missed you. I’ve been wanting to come more, but this week was really busy for me. I started working at the bakery, and as I’m sure you already know, those women are a handful. I don’t know if they’ve pinched your bum quite as much as mine, but my cheeks are sore. And the lads all miss you, and they come over a lot, which I think is good for them too. Anne, Gemma and I had dinner at the house, so I got to see the place where you grew up. I kept trying to imagine a little you walking around, I’m sure you were unbearably cute back then.”

 

Louis takes a while before taking out his picture for this visit. Sitting in the room in silence is actually comforting some part of Louis that begins to feel upset. It doesn’t come on all at once, instead, it bubbles up slowly until he lays his head down on the bed next to Harry’s hips and begins to cry. Why did this have to happen to Harry? Why did this have to happen to him? Louis wants in the worst way for Harry’s hand to suddenly come up and run its fingers through his hair. Louis wants in the worst way to hear Harry’s voice tell him he’s going to be alright. Louis wants in the worst way to have some recognition that Harry is with him, truthfully with him, and trying to come back, but it’s all just silly wants. Louis takes Harry’s hand and kisses it, but there’s nothing in response, and that drives Louis mad.

 

“Well, I’ll just tell this story quick before I go, I guess.”

 

Taking out the photo from his back pocket, Louis stares at it for a couple seconds, before starting to tell the story.

 

 

“So you probably don’t know, but my birthday is Christmas Eve. That always meant that my Christmas presents and birthday presents were one in the same. I never really complained about it, I loved Christmas so much as a child so I thought it was really special to have my birthday on that holiday. So one year I had asked my father for this lion stuffed animal that was massive, and he told me ‘no.’ I had cried so much over it, it was the only thing I wanted at all, but he refused me and that was that. But then a couple weeks later came, and after I had opened all my presents on Christmas Eve, my mum and my sisters came out from around the corner, holding the lion I had wanted. In that moment, I was so happy I started to cry. I latched onto that lion, and I got a whole night to play with it before the next day, when my father saw it and threw it out. My mum was furious, but she told me that sometimes the things you want most in life, you can’t always have. And I think that looking at this picture now, it makes me think of you more than it makes me think of me. I see you as my lion, something I want terribly, but can’t have yet. But I’m hoping more than anything, that at some point, you’ll find your way to me, and that we can prove everyone wrong. That sometimes, sometimes life works in your favor, and you can have the things you want.”

 

When the words escape his mouth, he is surprised by how much it hurts to say it. His heart literally aches, but there’s nothing more that can be done today. Louis takes the picture and glues it onto the poster, and then leans forward to kiss Harry on his cheek. It’s a place he’s never been before, and had it been for any other reason he’d be freaking out, but he’s kissing him because he’s sad, because he’s saying goodbye, and so Louis doesn’t even blink over the smoothness of Harry’s skin.

 

*                *                      *                      *         

 

_March 18 th_

Half the week has passed by, and Louis wakes up to Wednesday feeling like shit. He doesn’t have to go into work today, so he doesn’t bother to change out of his clothes or brush his teeth. He’s not going anywhere. Zayn and Liam have left to go on vacation, and Niall and Barbara are studying for finals. This week has made Louis feel alarmingly alone, and it’s really not a good thing to be on his own with his thoughts.

 

Streaming shows takes up about half of his day, but by three o’clock, Louis can’t help but need a drink. It may be early, but it’s happy hour somewhere. _Happy_ hour…Louis’ finds it ironic. Taking a bottle of vodka from the cupboards, Louis pours himself a shot and downs it quickly. It burns the back of his throat like his drinking battery acid, but he doesn’t want to stop. So he pours again. And again. And again.

 

One hour later and Louis is pissed. He found an iPod that must be Harry’s, and decided to play the songs to listen to his taste of music, but it only makes him more of a mess. The music isn’t really his favorite, but it makes him think of a curly haired boy, listening to these artists as he hangs around his room, maybe even sings along, maybe even dances, and it hurts Louis bad. Everyone got to have their time with Harry, but he…he missed out. He doesn’t have his own memories to think back on, he doesn’t have his own perspective of Harry before the accident. There’s nothing, and so he has to try and imagine it all, and what if he’s wrong? What if Harry smiles at snakes and not butterflies? What if Harry smells bad and not good? What if Harry isn’t romantic or funny? Louis has let himself create a Harry in his mind, and that person he finds himself missing, but what if that person is not Harry at all? Will Louis be disappointed when Harry does wake up?

 

As the music continues loudly in Louis’ ears, he feels himself needing more shots even though he’s already fumbling his feet. Just one more. Just one more. After another three shots, Louis is fucked up, and he’s no longer coherent. The images come in and out, he sees himself opening a door, he sees himself getting into a bed, he feels himself being cuddled by a body he’s not really sure is there. He feels himself cry, and then he feels himself drift, and it’s the first night in a long time that he actually falls and stays asleep.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

 _I have been murdered. My head feels like it's been bashed opened by a jackhammer. Fuck._ Louis doesn’t want to move much less wake up, but suddenly there’s a smell that penetrates his nose and he’s too curious to ignore it. Squinting his eyes just enough to see, he notices he’s in a sea of purple. _Oh fuck._ His body is entangled within purple sheets, that belong to a bed that Louis swore he would never sleep in. Harry’s. Yet, here he is, having just slept in it. The bed is honestly quite comfortable, and the sheets are unimaginably soft against him, but he doesn’t want to think about that. He wants to get up out of them before it gets creepier than it is.

 

Jumping off the bed, Louis really feels the mind-splitting pain of his hangover. But lucky for him, he has work today. Taking a number of pain pills, he drinks some tea, and then hops in the shower. For a second, he thinks about not washing the smell of Harry off his skin, about how that makes him happier than he really should admit, about how nice the smell is as it clings to his being. But leaving the scent on him is kind of like a lie. He didn’t really sleep with Harry. So he tells himself that when that day comes, he will bask in the scent of his partner, but until then and for the sake of his sanity, he has to wash him away. 

 

*                *                      *                      *

 

_March 20 th _

“Louis! Where have you been hiding off to? I haven’t seen you all week!”

 

Gemma had called Louis Friday night, and he was glad for the conversation. Coming home since he slept in Harry’s bed has been weird. A huge majority of him wants to sleep in there again, but there’s a small part of him that’s fighting it relentlessly. He can’t he tells himself, no ifs ands or buts.

 

“Gem! I know sorry! Work! How have you been?”

 

“Same, busy. But hey! I was wondering if you were planning on going to hospital tomorrow?”

 

“Yeah, I always go on Saturdays.”

 

“Good, I’ll be there! I haven’t seen you or Harry in a while and I need to make time for that!”

 

Louis loves the way it slides so casually off of Gemma’s tongue, ‘you and harry.’ 

 

“Great! I could always use the company!”

 

“I have to go now, but I just wanted to check in. I’ll see you tomorrow then! Text me when you’re leaving.”

 

“Okay, I will!”

 

She hangs up before Louis has a chance to, and he finds he’s really eager to be seeing her soon. Plus, having someone else there will help avoid what happened last time, and that’s always a positive.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

Walking into 3B, Louis is in higher spirits than he has been this whole week. He has a good photo he wants to share, and he gets to see Gemma. She looks up from her book and smiles at Louis, not even waiting for him to fully be inside the room before she’s embracing him firmly.  

 

“Louis!”

 

They hold on for a long time, and Louis tries really hard to keep composed, but her hug is unwinding him slowly. So he forces himself to pull away before he allows her to unwind him too much.

 

“Gemma, how long have you been here?”

 

“Just since nine, I woke up early and figured why not?”

 

Louis pulls a chair over so that he is next to Gemma, but he silently wishes that he could be in her spot so that he could hold Harry’s hand. From the position he’s in, he’s too far away, and it’s slightly bothering him.

 

“Right. So anything exciting going on?”

 

“No, I wish. I work, I sleep. I work, I sleep. Good thing I’m unmatched because how could I have a partner with the schedule I’ve got?”

 

“You’ve never been matched before?”

 

“No, I have. I was matched two years ago, but the person and I agreed it just didn’t feel right. So I put my name back in the pool. Still haven’t heard, but that’s okay for me. My life is too crazy for another person to be involved.”

 

“What about Anne? I don’t hear you guys talk about a father ever.”

 

Her eyes look to the side briefly, before they are back up to Louis.

 

“He passed away. It was a few years ago, but mum told ODSA she didn’t want to be re-entered in the pool.”

 

“Wow. I’m sorry about that.”

 

“It’s okay. Harry took it the hardest, he and dad were close. He kind of shut himself in about it, and no one could get through to him. But then after a while, he started to come out of his shell bit by bit.”

 

“I hope that’s what happens here.”

 

“I think it already is.”

 

They sit together silently for a while, watching Harry’s body as it breathes in and out.

 

“You know, Louis…I just want you to know that me and mum, we adore you. And if we adore you as much as we do, then Harry is going to absolutely love you. It’s probably still weird trying to think of him in the way that everyone else does, but someday you’re going to know him for yourself, and it’ll all make sense.”

 

“I just worry, that the person I find myself being drawn to, that day by day I’m falling in love with all, is not going to be the same person as the one over there. That I’m creating a false persona of Harry, and that he won’t be anything like what I’ve imagined.”

 

She giggles.

 

“Oh darling, he won’t. I can guarantee you, he is so much more than you’re ever going to be able to think up. But that is a good thing, because I know he’s going to far exceed your expectations, he does that with everyone.”

 

This eases Louis tremendously, and his shoulders feel a little less heavy than they did when he walked in.

 

“If you don’t mind, I’m going to tell my story to him now.”

 

“Sure, I can leave, I know it’s a personal thing.”

 

“No, you-”

 

“It’s fine, I need coffee anyways. And maybe a banana.”

 

Louis watches at her as she walks away, and listens until her footsteps can no longer be heard walking down the hall. He pulls his photo out ready to tell his story, but first… he moves over and grabs a firm hold of Harry’s hand, because this is the one thing that makes him feel somewhat okay.

 

 

“So, I was in the park…”

 

*                *                      *                      *

 

Louis spent Sunday playing Harry’s iPod again, except this time, he felt nostalgia drift around him while listening to the music. It was making him reminisce about his family, who he’s desperately been trying not to think about, the lads, Anne and Gemma, and of course as always, Harry. He felt memories of these past couple months’ swirl around him and cascade upon him like falling snow, and for just a little while, he allowed himself to be on the cusp of okay. His life has been going in a direction he could have never imagined, but he’s met the most amazing and supportive people in the world, and he knows he’d do it again in a heartbeat.

 

The only thing that he’d want, if he could do it all over again, is to have met Harry at least once before the accident. Maybe they could be together in a coffee shop, and Louis’ eyes glance over the beautiful boy sitting by himself. Maybe they could meet on campus, and Louis gets caught off guard by the brown haired charmer that sits next to him in class. Maybe…maybe they could meet at the bakery, while Louis gets a little extra with the muffin he orders. Something, anything, could be better than this. Better than not knowing him at all.


	9. Chapter 9

_March 23 rd_

On Tuesday, Louis bought a cat. Barbara was over, and they were walking around the streets, window shopping more than anything. And then he saw it, a beautiful white kitten with one blue and one green eye, and suddenly he was inside throwing his money at the seller before he even said what he wanted. Barbara was trying to tell him he was being silly, but Louis told her he was desperate for company.

 

“Louis, you’ve got to save your money!”

 

“Honestly, I have been! And if I could have you over all the time and have you as my pet, I would, but you’re expensive to feed.”

 

“Hey!”

 

“Just…let me indulge just this once. I need company, I need something else besides my thoughts and his smell. I need something other than me, that I can cuddle up with at night.”

 

He knows he’s won the argument, she gives him a look that says it’s breaking her heart to hear him say it, but she knows he’s right. So she sighs loudly and throws her hands in the air in defeat.

 

“Fine! Fine!”

 

“Thanks mummy, I’ll take good care of it!”

 

Louis gives her an obnoxious kiss on the cheek, and then she shoves him away while laughing.

 

“This is a big responsibility for you, young man.”

 

“I’ll be good, I swear.”

 

“What are you going to name her?”

 

“That’s a good question. Uhm… Muffin.”

 

“That’s different.”

 

“Well…I don’t know, it’s just, Harry and I both work at the bakery, so I mean there’s that. But then like, I was thinking the other day about if I could have met Harry before the accident, how would we have met? And I thought, maybe I would have gone into the bakery, and ordered a muffin, and he would have smiled, and I would have choked. So naming her muffin, it’s kinda like her representing the way I wish Harry and I had met. Her representing the relationship I hope we someday have. Where he smiles and I lose my breath. I don’t know… maybe that sounds stupid.”

 

“No, stop! It means something to you, and I get it. Don’t change it, Muffin it is then!”

 

The seller at the pet store puts Muffin into a crate, and Louis buys a couple cans of food, litter, and a tray, and then thanks the man greatly. When they exit the shop, Barbara says ‘good-bye,’ and Louis makes the trip back home alone, well, technically with Muffin. Entering the apartment, he lets the kitten out so that she can roam around and get used to her new surroundings. Louis takes this time to set up her litter and put her cans away in the cupboards.

 

_Scratch. Scratch. Scratch._

Looking in the direction of the noise, Louis finds Muffin clawing at Harry’s closed door. He walks over to her and picks her up into his arms delicately.

 

“Now, now dear. That’s your other daddy’s room, we don’t go in there right now.”

The words pour out of his mouth before he’s had a second to process what he is saying, and once they're said, he can’t help but to feel upset. With the kitten in his arm, he sits down on the couch and then gets into a comfortable position for bed, while Muffin sleeps on top of his stomach. He was right earlier though, having something else to cuddle with is a nice distraction to the constant loneliness he feels.

 

*                *                      *                      *

 

_Knock. Knock._

 

Louis opens the door on Thursday to three loud boys, already forcing their way inside without even a ‘hello.’ It’s felt like ages since he’s seen them, and he’s glad to have them over. When he turns around though, he finds that they have all stopped in their tracks, staring at a white mountain of fur on the couch. Niall is the first one to open his mouth.

 

“Louis…is that what I think it is?”

 

“That depends…what do you think it is?”

 

All three of them yell ‘kitten,’ at the same time, and then plop onto the floor to give the little lady lots of love. Once they all start petting her, she sprawls out to give them full access to her belly and back. Louis sneakily takes a picture, noting to one day show it to Harry.

 

“What’s her name?”

 

Liam doesn’t lift his head when he asks, just keeping his focus on the little bundle, but Louis’ not offended, he would do the same thing.

 

“Muffin.”

 

Now all their heads snap up.

“It’s a long story and won’t make sense to you guys, but that’s what it is.”

 

Niall yells out because Niall is always louder than the rest.

 

“I like it! Little Muffin Wuffin.”

 

“Ew, stop.”

 

They all laugh together, and Louis joins in with them in playing with his little cat. Louis isn’t sure what the boys had in mind initially for plans when they came over, but whatever it was, they spent the rest of the night playing with Muffin, and saying how excited Harry will be when he meets her. That thought only solidifies that Louis made a good choice, and he feels comforted in knowing that Harry would be excited about something he’s done.

 

*                *                      *                      *

_March 27 th_

Room 3B is packed. There are two nurses in the room along with Anne, and Gemma, by the time Louis makes it there.

 

“What’s all this?”

 

He’s panicking, but Anne looks relieved when she sees him walk over to them.

 

“Honey, Harry…he…”

 

A male nurse cuts in, and talks for her.

 

“Sorry to interrupt. Harry might have woken up in the middle of the night,”

 

“Excuse me, _might_?”

 

“Yes, at four in the morning, a nurse was in checking his IV when he began to mumble words. The room was dark so she can’t comment on whether his eyes may have been open or not, but this is the first sign that we’ve had since he was put under. It could mean that he’ll be waking up soon.”

 

“Anne, is this…is this true?”

 

She’s crying, and nods her head slowly, and then forces out a response.

 

“Yes!”

 

She grinning through her tears, Gemma too, seems beyond ecstatic at the news. As Louis lets it settle in, he tries really hard to not jump up and cheer.

 

“Anne, may I have a word with you outside?”

 

The male nurse leads Anne towards the hallway, who pulls Gemma along with her. After they leave, the other female nurse finishes up and heads out not a moment later. Louis is alone, but this time he’s glad to be. He has a lot he’s been wanting to talk to Harry about, and he’s feeling like Harry is really going to hear him this time more than any of the others.

 

“So Curly, you talked! Hope it wasn’t about me! Ha ha. Anyways, I have a lot to tell you about this week! I saw the lads the other night, and they are all doing well. The ladies at the bakery told me that when you worked with them, you would always make really funky batches of sweets that sounded gross but also tasted amazing. I’d love to try one of those batches some day…And oh! I got us a cat! Her name is Muffin, and I brought a picture of her to put on the poster. She’s already been trying to go in your room a lot. I wonder if she can smell you as strongly as I can.”

 

Louis pulls the photo that he printed of Muffin out of his pocket, and holds it in front of Harry’s face even though he knows he can’t see it. Then he takes glue and posts it up on there.

 

 

“She’s really cuddly, and surprisingly likes her belly being rubbed even though most cats hate it. I think she’s going to love you a lot, maybe even will love you more than me.”

 

It’s a funny thought, but Louis has this feeling like Harry’s kind of like that. That everyone meets him, and loves him, and that’s just how it is. He’s never talked about badly, everyone that knows him adores him, Louis doesn’t have to look too hard to see that. Surely their cat will be no different, meeting him, and loving him. Maybe Louis will even fall hopelessly in love once he gets the chance to.

 

“Your mum is probably going to be back soon, so I just want to say one final thing. If you are in there, and you’re listening, please, keep fighting.  Find your way back to us. We all need you, your family, the lads…especially me. I need you to come back so that I can meet you, and hold you, and fall for you, and love you. I need you to come home so that I don’t have to be there alone. I need you, and that’s the most annoying feeling that I feel, but I feel it greatly. So please, keep trying.”

 

Kissing his cheek, this time Louis lets himself be taken over by the way it feels to have Harry on his lips. The way it feels as Louis presses into him, and how Harry’s hair tickles the side of Louis’ face. He regretfully pulls away, but his lips still tingle from Harry long after they’ve parted.

 

“Louis!”

 

“Yes, Anne?”

 

“They want to take him and do some scans, I know you just got here darling, but any chance you can come back?”

 

“Oh, it’s okay. I’ll just head home, got Muffin to go back to now.”

 

“Right, I can’t wait to meet my little grandkitty!”

 

They laugh, and then Louis gives her a hug before departing out of the room. When he gets back to Muffin, he spends his time praying to a something he doesn’t quite believe in, hoping for a miracle, and wishing on 11:11. Anything he can do to help Harry come home.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

_April 10 th_

Two weeks have passed since Harry mumbled, and nothing has happened. For the first couple days, everyone was on edge, waiting for a call that something was occurring. But then the call never came. Anne and Gemma took it the hardest, they allowed themselves to get filled up with all this hope like a balloon, and then it was too much, and they popped. Gemma didn’t say much or come to visit, and when Louis would see Anne at the hospital, she looked like she had gone through the accident all over again. She was miserable.

 

The lads had come along with Louis last Saturday to the hospital, excited as well that their friend would be coming around. But this week, even they aren’t up for it. Even Louis has been all out of sorts. When he went to the hospital today, he had completely forgotten to even bring a photo. He sat silently next to Harry, holding his hand, but feeling oddly distant. The hand didn’t bring warmth to Louis, it didn’t remind him that there is someone alive in there. Instead, it made him feel like there’s someone disappearing before he’s even had a chance.

 

*                      *                      *                      *

Monday. Louis works at the bakery. Louis goes home to Muffin. Louis forgets to eat. Louis forgets to sleep.

 

*                      *                      *                      *         

 

Tuesday. Louis works. The ladies tell him to go home early but he doesn’t agree, because the last thing he wants to do is sit alone in his apartment full of someone he’ll never know. Louis walks the long way home. Louis calls Barbara who tells him to come over. Louis doesn’t come over. Louis doesn’t move at all.

 

            *                      *                      *                      *         

 

Wednesday. Louis calls in. Louis gets drunk. Louis finds Muffin scratching at Harry’s door and this time he gives in. Louis falls asleep on Harry’s bed with Muffin, and cries himself to sleep. Louis actually sleeps, but there’s nothing by darkness when he dreams.

 

*                      *                      *                      *         

 

Thursday. Louis goes to work and is sent home early with no choice this time. The ladies call Anne, who calls Louis, but doesn’t answer. The boys’ knock on Louis door, bringing over pizza and drinks. Louis gets drunk again, and when he climbs into Harry’s room, no one thinks twice about it.

 

*                      *                      *                      *         

 

Friday. Louis gets a call and is told to rest up and come back in on Monday healthy and ready to work. When he gets out of bed, the same bed he keeps telling himself not to be in, he opens the bedroom door to find Zayn still hanging about.

 

“You’re still here? Where’s Liam and Niall?”

 

“Li had work, and Niall had classes. I figured I’d stay to catch up on how you’re doing.”

 

“Well, I think it’s pretty evident I’m not doing so well.”

 

“You want to talk about it?”

 

“Honestly? I do, but I feel like you’re not going to understand what I’m saying.”

 

Louis sits on the couch next to Zayn, who looks unfairly attractive for being hungover and exhausted.

 

“Try me.”

 

He exhales loudly, and then he when he opens his mouth, he can’t stop the river of emotions that flood from his heart and into the room. They fill up the space between him and Zayn, soaking them up in their pain. It feels good to have released all that has built up, and by the end of it, he’s pretty sure Zayn is ready to run, but he’s still sitting, and that’s good enough for now.

 

“I know it’s hard because I’m coming from a point of view where I know Harry, I’ve spent time with him. But I think it’s almost better for you that you never got to. Because here I am, and I miss him, and I know exactly all the things I miss about him, and you don’t know that. You don’t know how to miss his laugh or his stupid jokes. You don’t know how to miss the passion in his eyes when he would talk about the things he loved. I’m not saying that what me and the lads are going through is harder than what you are, but I think that you have to look at your situation in a different light. You’re being given a chance to get to know someone and fall in love with all the things about them, before even meeting them. It may not be what you wanted, but it’s what you got, and I would take full advantage of it while you can.”

 

Louis feels it all sting him, but Zayn has a point. Louis doesn’t know what it genuinely feels like to miss Harry. And maybe that’s not the bad thing that Louis was making it out to be. Maybe that’s a blessing in disguise.

 

“What was it like when you and Liam first met?”

 

Zayn giggles at the memories that start forming in his mind.

 

“Well… it was no walk in the park. At the time, I thought as a Dom I needed to be more aggressive, and Liam was rather defiant for a Sub. But then I stopped looking at it like that. I stopped seeing myself as a Dom and Liam as a Sub, and when I did that, everything just fell into place. And now if I ask him something, he doesn’t just do it because I’m his Dom and I asked, but because I’m Zayn and he wants to. And that’s pretty incredible to me.”

 

“That’s what I’ve always wanted.”

 

“And with Harry, you’re sure to have that.”

 

Even though they’ve never done it before, when Zayn leans forward to give Louis a hug, it makes absolute sense. Louis hugs Zayn tightly, and Louis hopes it conveys how grateful he is for Zayn being here. When he finally comments it’s time to head home, Louis is okay with it. He needs to get himself back in order, he needs to be healthy to support everyone, and most of all, he needs to be there for Harry.

 

*                      *                      *                      *         

 

Louis woke up early Saturday morning, ate breakfast, drank tea, showered, and dressed himself up in jeans and a black shirt. He made sure to bring two photos this time to make up for last week, and he made sure that Muffin’s food was filled, in case he stayed for a while.

 

Which, he did. Louis stayed in the room for 3 hours, talking with the nurses as they came and went, skyping with Anne while Harry was in the background, and talking with Harry about everything that has happened this past week. Louis made sure to leave no stone unturned, telling Harry about getting drunk and falling asleep in his bed, to telling him about his and Zayn’s moment. When it was time to talk about the pictures, Louis flashed them in front of Harry’s closed eyes, and held them there just to make sure they could be seen.

 

 

“This one picture of me really isn’t anything special. I just always liked this picture, and thought it might be worth showing just because I had it. Anyways, this picture, with me and my sister Lottie, is the one I want to talk about. This was when Lottie and I were inseparable. I was finally able to read, and so every night I would read her a story, while mum helped a little. This night, after I finished reading, Lottie told me that I was more than just her brother, I was her best friend. That really stuck with me. And you know, I’ve gone all these months without them, and I still haven’t heard a word from anyone. I just figured...I don’t know, I just figured that there would be something said. That Lottie would call me and tell me that she’s mad but she still loves me and it’s okay. Or that my mum doesn’t agree but she just wants to know I’m doing well. Anything would be fine. But I wanted to share it, because I want you to know that for me, when I say something, I mean it. When I told Lottie she was my best friend too, I meant it and I still do. And when I tell people I love them and care for them, I mean that immensely. And…I know we haven’t met, but I think I’m falling for you Harry, and I mean that. And if you slip away from me, I think I’m really going to suffer.”

 

As always, Louis tells him the bitter truth, and then glues his photos to the board, which somehow has gotten full. Louis makes a mental note to bring a new one for next week. As Louis gets up to kiss Harry on the cheek, he stays still in that position a little longer. Bent over, mouth close to Harry’s ear. Louis kisses him, and then lets the words flow slowly for his lips, whispering just for Harry to hear.

 

“Come back to me.”

 

And then he leaves, and he hopes with everything that he has, that his words made it through to someone.


	10. Chapter 10

_April 23 rd_

It’s five in the morning on Friday, and Louis’ phone is ringing insistently. The boys and Barbara were over last night, playing video games and eating Chinese, and he’s pretty sure they stayed over too, because he found himself asleep in Harry’s room to give them the couch to sleep on. _Who the fuck is calling this early? Are they trying to kill me?_ When Louis searches for his phone somewhere in all the sheets, he looks at the screen to see it’s Anne.

 

“Hello? Anne? What’s wrong?”

 

“Louis…oh my god, oh my god, he’s up! He’s up!”

 

“What?!”

 

“He’s up! Get here as soon as you can, me and Gemma are already here.”

 

“Oh shit! Oh shit! Okay, okay let me throw shoes on!”

 

Louis swings the door loudly open and starts screaming into the living.

 

“HE’S UP! HE’S FUCKING UP!”

 

Niall is not a morning person, in fact, none of them are morning people.

 

“Louis, what the fuck are you on about?”

 

“HARRY’S UP! HE’S FUCKING UP! ANNE JUST CALLED ME, OH MY GOD I HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL BUT I’M SHAKING SO MUCH!”

 

This got their attention fast. Suddenly, four heads are propped up and bodies quickly surrounding him. Zayn is moving and starting to put his jacket on.

 

“I’m coming.”

 

Liam interjects.

 

“Wait. Harry’s probably all out of sorts right now, and to be honest, Louis hasn’t gotten to meet him, yet. Louis, why don’t you go down without us, and when you think it’s good to come, just give us a call.”

 

“You sure?”

 

“Yes. Go meet Harry!”

 

Liam doesn’t need to say it twice before he’s running through the door and onto the streets. Thankfully, it’s too early for most people to be up, so he only gets a couple of confused faces watching him as he surges past.

 

Out of breath, Louis doesn’t stop to say ‘hi’ when he passes Ted at the desk, continuing his way up to the room. When the doorknob is within his grip, and he swings the door open like a madman, he enters the room not expecting to see it completely empty. No Anne. No Gemma. No nurses or doctors. Except….woah. As Louis’ had been scanning the room, he didn’t think anything of the body in the bed, except now, this body is sitting up and staring back at him, and his lungs are out of breath, and he thinks he’s going to collapse.

 

The first thing that captures his view is green. Green eyes that swallow up his soul and immerse him into sweet wonders that he can’t even begin to think about or he’ll pass out. It takes him a moment to pull himself back from the magical, iridescent colors that hold him in place. It takes him a moment to remember to breathe. It takes him a moment to remember to say something, anything, to the boy he’s been waiting for.

 

“Hi.”

 

_Clever, Tommo, clever._

 

“Hi.”

 

The voice that responds back is octaves lower than anything Louis expected, and it melts down Louis’ ears and into Louis’ heart. Louis realizes he’s standing pretty far away from the bed still, but he doesn’t want to get too close, so he only moves forward two steps.

 

“Did Anne tell you who I am?”

 

“Well, since I woke up to a poster full of someone’s face that I didn’t know, you could say I was a bit confused. So yes, she and Gemma explained only that your name is Louis, and you’d tell me everything when you’re here.”

 

The more the boy’s voice flows from his mouth, the more Louis finds himself drowning in it.

 

“Yeah, so I’m Louis Tomlinson, and uh, we’ve been matched.”

 

At that, Harry looks slowly at his bracelet to find the light is indeed, blue. Louis keeps talking while Harry’s eyes take a moment to come back to him.

 

“I was matched to you back in February. A lot’s happened since then, but you’re probably tired so I can wait to tell you another time.”

 

“No. I want to know. If I fall asleep, just wait till I wake up again.”

 

“Hopefully that won’t take as long this time.”

 

Harry smirks, and it’s like lightning has struck Louis in the fucking heart. But he obliges, telling Harry everything that has happened from being kicked out, to moving into his apartment, to meeting the lads, and why all those photos are glued to that board. When Louis finishes, Harry miraculously is still awake, now glancing over at the photos with more clarity than before.

 

“So those are all of you, and you told me all the stories behind all of them?”

 

“Yeah, pretty much.”

 

“Wow.”

 

Louis just nods, now unsure of where to go from here.

 

“Whose cat is that?”

 

“Ours.”

 

Harry’s eyes are wide in surprise, and then he smiles fully, a grin that stretches from ear to ear, and Louis doesn’t know that how he’ll ever handle the purity and beauty of it. It makes everything in this room shine brighter, and Louis isn’t sure how that’s even possible, but it is.

 

“Louis, I’m feeling myself get a little sleepy, and I know that there are a million and a half things I want to talk with you about, but before I doze off, can you please kiss me?”

 

 _Did he just…did he just ask that? Am I dreaming?_ Louis pinches himself, to make sure that he is awake, and when nothing changes, he leaps forward clumsily towards Harry. Louis’ whole body is running at a million miles a second, but he’s trying to slow down. He puts his hand on Harry’s cheek and tilts his head up just enough that’s it’s reachable, and when their noses touch, Louis could just about explode right there, but he holds on, because dammit it all to hell if he can’t last long enough to kiss the most beautiful boy he’s ever seen! And then he does it. He leans forward slowly, pushing his lips against Harry, and suddenly the entire world just stops. The only thing he is solely aware of is Harry’s ridiculously soft lips touching his own, and it’s blowing his mind.

 

When Louis pulls away, he notices a light reflecting on Harry’s hospital gown from Louis’ wrist. When the boys look at the bracelet, shocked and mesmerized by the now green light that glows in between them, they look back into one another’s eyes and whisper the word together.

 

“Soul-mates.”

 


	11. Chapter 11

_December 24 th_

The party was starting out a success. Anne, Gemma, Barbara, Niall, Liam, and Zayn came over to the apartment to celebrate Louis’ birthday. Harry and Louis invited the ladies at the bakery also, but they said they were too old to chill with party animals, and also told them not to have too much fun without them. Anne leaves the party a little early so that all the ‘kids could have fun,’ and then right when the door closes behind her, all the alcohol is pulled out.

 

“So Barbara, the fact that you and Niall are matched, that still is crazy to me! Like the fact that you met before that even happened! That is almost never heard of!”

 

“I know, and I didn’t know Niall was a Sub, so I never thought anything of it before, but boy it’s been great! I’m moving all my stuff in with him in two weeks, and then we all get to be neighbors!”

 

“Incredible!”

 

“How happy are you to be done with your semester, by the way? Wanting to be a drama teacher kick your ass, yet?”

 

“Yes it certainly has, but I still love it!”

 

Louis clinks his glass with hers, and they take a long drink to that. When Louis finally lowers his glass from his lips, a strong arm wraps around him and he already can’t breathe.

 

“Sorry Barbara, but do you mind if I steal the birthday boy?”

 

“He’s all yours!”

 

She winks at Louis, and then walks over to Niall who is taking shots with Zayn. When Louis turns around within the arm that’s wrapped around him, he looks up into Harry’s face and kisses him aggressively on his lips. Harry moans into him and then pulls abruptly away.

 

“You can’t do that here! Muffin is watching!”

 

Louis follows Harry’s finger as he points to their cat, who is in fact, watching them from her spot at the kitchen table.

 

“She doesn’t care, she’s seen it before!”

 

“You’re right. She has.”

 

At that, Harry tilts his head down towards Louis, and this time, does not hold back on making Louis feel like he’s floating on cloud nine. Harry lips on him will never get old, ever.

 

“Get a room you filthy animals!”

 

“Niall, you’re no better!”

 

Harry pulls away from Louis to yell back at Niall, who then agrees and pulls Barbara in for a kiss, as well. But Harry doesn’t return back to Louis’ lips, even though Louis so desperately wants him to.

 

“More! More!”

 

Chuckling, Harry pecks another kiss on Louis, but it’s short and sweet. Louis is about to argue again, but Harry speaks before he does.

 

“I’ve got something to show you, love. Just follow me.”

 

“Curly, what have you been up to?”

 

“Just follow.”

 

Louis follows Harry towards the bedroom, especially since it’s the only other place Harry could possibly hide something in this apartment. When they get inside, Harry lightly shoves Louis down on the bed, forcing Louis to look up at him as he stands. Harry bites his lip in an incredibly suggestive manner, as he looks at Louis below him, and Louis prays that means his gift is a sexual one. But then Harry composes himself again, and starts talking seriously.

 

“I thought for a really long time about what to get you for your birthday. After everything you’ve done for me, I wanted to do something that was going to be really special. And I looked everywhere, I looked throughout all the stores, online, anywhere that was selling something, I looked if there was anything for you. And there wasn’t because of course, you are the most difficult person to shop for (Louis rolls his eyes). But then I was looking at the poster, and I was looking at all those pictures that are your favorite, and all those stories that you shared with me, and I thought, why don’t I do the same? So I started working on it, and then realized that all the pictures that I thought of as my favorite, were all the ones of you and me. You are the only thing I think about, dream about, breathe about, and so it’s only right that the pictures I used were of me with the person I love more than anything else... _you_.”

 

When Harry grabs the poster from the closet behind him, Louis is absolutely in tears.

 

“I love you so much, Harry.”

 

“I love you too. Happy Birthday.”

 

Louis lays the poster on the floor and pulls Harry on top of him in bed. And if they take an extra thirty minutes before they come back out of the bedroom, a little disheveled but extremely, incandescently happy, then it’s nobody’s business but their own.

 

                       


	12. Chapter 12

_Chapter 10 in Harry’s POV_

“He’s waking! He’s waking up. Jackie, get the other nurses! Anne, I need you and Gemma to step out of here for a minute.”

 

The voices were coming through loudly in his head, but they weren’t the voice he was looking for. The voice he wants is a little higher than whoever is screaming over him. The voice he wants is a little sweeter than this hoarse sound.

 

Harry had been swimming in a black abyss, floating throughout a wide expanse of nothingness. But sometimes, there were voices that would find their way to him. And every time they would, he tried to follow their echoes to wherever they were coming from, but they’d be gone as soon as they came.

 

But the blackness is starting to dissipate, and the numbness is fading as he feels hands all over his skin. Where is he? What’s happening? As the dark waves begin to vanish, he floats his way towards the light that is seeping in. _I’m coming,_ he thinks. _I’m coming for you._

 

*                      *                      *                      *

 

The first three hours that Harry’s eyes have been open, he’s been in a state of shock. The first thing he was told when waking up was that he had been in a motorcycle accident. The second thing he had been told was that due to that accident, he had been in a coma for nearly five months. The third thing he was told, after pointing curiously to a board of photos he’d never seen before, was that there was a boy named Louis, who had all the answers.

 

His mum and sis leave the room to go grab something to eat, and even though Harry was happy to see them again, it’s nice to have a break. The whole time they have been crying, and he’s sure it’s been incredibly hard for them, but he doesn’t feel like he’s been gone that long so it’s also incredibly weird. Harry takes this time to look over more of the photos that are on the board. There’s one of the lads, and a boy he doesn’t know, with Harry in the hospital. He wonders how long ago that happened.

 

_WHAM!_

The door swings open and a boy rushes into the room, filling up the silence with his heavy breathing. Harry looks at him in shock, not as much because he has just come barging in, but because he is absolutely, insanely, beautiful. His fringe falls perfectly across his forehead, and his blue eyes pierce into Harry chaotically, and Harry finds himself wanting to read the boy poems to convey just what his eyes are making him feel.

 

“Hi.”

 

The boy speaks first, and Harry can’t breathe. It’s him. It’s the voice he’s been hearing inside his head, that he had been trying to find his way back to.

 

“Hi.”

 

“Did Anne tell you who I am?”

 

It catches Harry off guard for this boy to be saying Harry’s mum’s name, but it also, quite honestly, intrigues him.

 

“Well, since I woke up to a poster full of someone’s face that I didn’t know, you could say I was a bit confused. So yes, she and Gemma explained only that your name is Louis, and you’d tell me everything when you’re here.”

 

The boy grins nervously, and Harry wants to tell him he feels the same way. 

 

“Yeah, so I’m Louis Tomlinson, and uh, we’ve been matched.”

 

Matched…Harry looks down at his bracelet and holy shit it’s blue! Louis keeps talking, so Harry pulls away from the light to return back to the voice that he wants singing lullabies to him for the rest of his life.

 

“I was matched to you back in February. A lot’s happened since then, but you’re probably tired so I can wait to tell you another time.”

 

“No. I want to know. If I fall asleep, just wait till I wake up again.”

 

“Hopefully that won’t take as long this time.”

 

He’s funny, and that’s good because Harry can’t take any more of this depressing shit right now.  

 

“So those are all of you, and you told me all the stories behind all of them?”

 

“Yeah, pretty much.”

 

“Wow.”

 

At some point, he’s going to tell Louis just how much that means to him that he came in and talked with him, even though he couldn’t respond. That he didn’t give up, or deny him. At some point, he’s going to show Louis just how strong he’s already feeling for him, but at this moment, he’s feeling the heaviness of sleep creep towards him again, and he’s not sure he’s going to last much longer.

 

“Whose cat is that?”

 

“Ours.”

 

And the way Louis so confidently says “ours,” has Harry in a puddle of mush. That’s it…he’s in love.

 

“Louis, I’m feeling myself get a little sleepy, and I know that there are a million and a half things I want to talk with you about, but before I doze off, can you please kiss me?”

 

And apparently, he’s also a little brave. But Louis doesn’t say no, he walks towards him and the closer he steps, the harder Harry’s heart pounds in his chest. He stays still, letting Louis take the lead as he puts his warm hands against the side of Harry’s face, tilting it up towards Louis’ mouth. Harry can’t breathe, and it takes everything inside of him to not shove his face forward and kiss this boy until he’s wrecked. But Harry waits, as Louis leans forward and kisses him, and makes stars shoot from out of nowhere, lighting up this room as if there are fireworks on display. It’s intoxicating, and Harry never wants to let him go.  

 

But Louis pulls away, and Harry follows his gaze as he looks at a light reflecting on his hospital gown, that’s coming from Louis’ wrist. When they both look at the bracelet, shocked and mesmerized by the now green light that glows in between them, they look back into one another’s eyes and whisper the word together.

 

“Soul-mates.”

 

Harry very nearly, almost, barely, passes out. But then he finds himself caught up in the blue ocean waves of Louis’ eyes, and he knows right then and there, that there is nowhere else he wants to be. And the fact that in between them there is this light glowing, telling them that the something Harry has incomprehensibly already started feeling, is real, only reassures him. Louis is the one, and Harry couldn’t have possibly woken up to anything better than that.

**Author's Note:**

>  _Thank you all so much_  
>     
>    
> Here is my main blog: [afangirlfantasy](http://afangirlfantasy.tumblr.com)  
> This is my fic rec / author rec side blog: [alarriefantasy](http://alarriefantasy.tumblr.com)


End file.
